those college girls。 Do long…distance relationships really work？ ？Left Behind
A：Dear LB；
In my experience； long…distance relationships are dicey？even if you only live across the park
from one another。 If that？s got you down； here？s my Rx： go to your kitchen and find some Godiva
cocoa powder （you may have to dig around in back for the good stuff？the cook always tries to
hide it）； and whip yourself up an iced hot chocolate。 Sip it while sitting at your iBook。
Look？you？re multitasking！ Don？t you feel better already？ Now go to eLUXURY。 and buy
yourself something fabulous。 When that？s done； cruise all the cute guys on Facebook and
MySpace and send the ones you like best some cleverly flirtatious e…mails。 By the time the
weekend es； you？ll have a bunch of hot dates at your beck and call？and an even hotter outfit
to wear！ Trust me； by Sunday you？ll barely remember College Boy？s name。 ？GG
Q：Dear Mme。 Gossip Girl；
My darling son has recently had a sexual awakening and is ing to terms with his long…latent
homosexuality。 After not seeing my dear boy for some years； I want to be there for him in this
most exciting time； but I？m not quite sure how to go about it。 I？ve already given him some gifts
relating to his new identity； but I want to domore 。 Hallmark doesn？t seem to make an ？I love my
gay son？ card。 Please help！
Sincerely；
Loving Mother of a Gay Son
A：Dear LMGS；
I？m going to give you the same advice I give to anyone looking to celebrate something exciting
and new： have a party！ And inviteeveryone 。 There？s no better way to say ？I love you。？ Plus it？ll
give your son the chance to get all dolled？er； dressed？up。 Here？s to partying the gay （I mean day）
away！
？GG
sightings
Bin theLa Perla store on Fifth Avenue buying a sky blue bra…and…thong set。 Can the flames of
desire betweenB andN be waning already？ We hope not？although I？d be happy to help him out if
he？s bored with monogamy。 。 。 。N sitting outside his town house looking contemplative？or maybe
he was just under the influence as usual。 。 。 。V at theNYU bookstore on Washington Place； asking
if they had any school logo T…shirts in black instead of their trademark purple。 Not exactly the
school spirit；V ！ 。 。 。K andI shopping for their back…to…school wardrobes atTSE； buying armloads
of cashmere sweaters？even though they？re going to school in Florida？ Well； cashmereis nice over
a bikini。 。 。 。C at theShake Shack in Madison Square Park； chomping down on a cheeseburger and
feeding that spoiled little white monkey of his French fries with extra ketchup。 I wonder if they get
cited for health code violations。 If so； we？ll know why。
It？s time to watch someLaguna Beach reruns？gotta love to hate those ridiculous nouveau riche
kids？before I skip out for my mani/pedi appointment at Elizabeth Arden Red Door Spa。 Nothing
like buffing up and staying silky smooth for the dog days of summer？not to mention the devilishly
handsome French waiters at Pastis。 。 。 。 Down； boys！
Vouz m？adorez； ne dites pas le contraire；
gossipgirl
TO： undisclosed…recipients
FROM： jeanieinabottle119@yahoo。
Subject： Dan？s gay？hooray！
Dear recent graduates of Riverside Prep： I hope you don？t mind my abusing your school
yearbook？s contact list； but I？m sure you？ll be happy when you find out why： I？m writing to
invite you all to a momentous occasion； the ing…out party for your dear classmate and my dear
son； Daniel Jonah Humphrey。 After four years of going to school with Dan； I？m sure you？ve all
been waiting for this big day！
Please be our guests in apartment #9D； 815 West End Ave。； this Saturday （tomorrow！） at 2 p。m。
Food and drink will be served； and it？s sure to be a merry time。 But hush…hush？it？s asurprise ！
Whatever you do； don？t tell Daniel！
Hope to see you all on Saturday！ Please dress your colorful best for the occasion。
Love and rainbows；
Jeanette （Daniel？s mom）
TO： svanderwoodsen@constancebillard。edu
FROM： kenthemogul@gmail。
Subject： Get ready for your close…up 。 。 。
。 。 。 because it？s showtime！
Due to the fact that even the fuckhead critics love my film； the release date forBAF has been
moved up to September。 Sweetheart； you are about to be astar ； thanks to me。
That freakworm Bailey Winter is probably peeing himself trying to sew you a choice of couture
gowns for the NYC premier next month； lucky girl。 You？ll have to wear your own clothes to the
press conference； though。 You and that queen Thad are scheduled to do press this Tuesday at 5 p。m。
in one of those tacky penthouses at SoHo House。 Don？t worry； I？ll handle all the questions？I just
want you two to sit there look and pretty。 Think you can handle it？
See you Tuesday。
KM
honesty is totally overrated
？So；why can？t you e over？？ Blair couldn？t keep the irritation out of her voice。 She was
annoyed。 Actually； she was more than just annoyed？she was totally fucking pissed。 At Nate； and at
pretty much everyone else？especiallyher stupid； traitorous； moving…to…L。A。； dysfunctionalmess of
a family。
No； please； tell us how you really feel。
She sprawled out on her stepbrother Aaron？s old bed； rubbing her legs against the all…natural；
organic； puke green hemp forter cover he？d bought at some hippie supply store last winter。
Even though Aaron had moved out of the room ages ago？he？d been on a road trip all summer
doing God knows what； leaving his bedroom to Blair； since hers had been turned into Yale？s
nursery？it still smelled of boy sweat and Mookie； Aaron？s disgusting boxer dog。 Then； to make
matters worse； Blair？s cat； Kitty Minky； had decided to move in and mark her territory？spraying
everything until the whole room reeked of cat pee； wet dog； and the herbal cigarettes Aaron was
always smoking。 Blair loved her baby sister； but really； did she have to get displaced from her own
beautiful bedroom and into this shithole？
？There？s um； somestuff I have to get done。 It； like； can？t really wait；？ Nate mumbled。 Blair could
always tell when he was lying？he sounded even more inprehensible than usual。 She picked at
the rough cloth of the forter with her French…manicured fingernails。 Blair loved surprises； but
somehow she didn？t think Nate was hiding anything fun。
？Well； I？ll just e over there then。？ She rolled over onto her back and held a strand of shining
chestnut…colored hair in front of her face； mentally reminding herself to book an appointment at
Warren Trii？she desperately needed a trim。 The tips were bleached and parched from all the
sun and salt water from when she was at sea。
Poor thing。
？No；？ Nate answered quickly； ？I mean； uh； you can？t e over here。？Excusez…moi？ They just
spent a month together on a boat； totally in love； and now they？d been home for twenty…four hours
and he didn？t want to see her？ She sat up and impatiently switched the phone from one ear to
another。 She was probably going to get brain cancer from talking on her cell so much。 Then Nate
would be sorry。
He？s probably sorrynow。
？I mean；？ he stammered； ？my bedroom？s being repainted and the fumes are killer。？ Blair
narrowed her eyes and remai