r。 van daan bawled him out； but he has only himself to blame。 he says hed rather live without food than without air； and that they simply must figure out a way to keep the windows open。
〃ill have to speak to mr。 kugler about this；〃 he said to me。
i replied that we never discussed matters of this sort with mr。 kugler； only within the group。
〃everythings always happening behind my back。 ill have to talk to your father about that。鈥�
hes also not allowed to sit in mr。 kuglers office anymore on saturday afternoons or sundays； because the manager of kegs might hear him if he happens to be next door。
dussel promptly went and sat there anyway。 mr。 van daan was furious； and father went downstairs to talk to dussel； who came up with some flimsy excuse； but even father didnt fall for it this time。 now fathers keep… ing his dealings with dussel to a minimum because dussel insulted him。 not one of us knows what he said； but it must have been pretty awful。
and to think that that miserable man has his birthday next week。 how can you celebrate your birthday when youve got the sulks； how can you accept gifts from people you wont even talk to？
mr。 voskuijl is going downhill rapidly。 for more than ten days hes had a temperature of almost a hundred and four。 the doctor said his condition is hopeless； they think the cancer has spread to his lungs。 the poor man； wed so like to help him； but only god can help him now！
ive written an amusing story called 〃blurry the explorer；〃 which was a big hit with my three listeners。
i still have a bad cold and have passed it on to margot； as well as mother and father。
if only peter doesnt get it。 he insisted on a kiss； and called me his el dorado。 you cant call a person that； silly boy！ but hes sweet anyway！
yours； anne
m。 frank
thursday； april 27； 1944
dearest kitty；
mrs。 van d。 was in a bad mood this morning。 all she did was plain； first about her cold； not being able to get cough drops and the agony of having to blow her nose all the time。 next she grumbled that the sun wasnt shining； the invasion hadnt started； we werent allowed to look out the windows； etc。； etc。 we couldnt help but laugh at her； and it couldnt have been that bad； since she soon joined in。
our recipe for potato kugel； modified due to lack of onions：
put peeled potatoes through a food mill and add a little dry government…issue flour and salt。 grease a mold or ovenproof dish with paraffin or stearin and bake for 21/2 hours。 serve with rotten strawberry pote。 （onions not available。 nor oil for mold or dough！）
at the moment im reading emperor charles v； written by a professor at the university of gottingen； hes spent forty years working on this book。 it took me five days to read fifty pages。 i cant do any more than that。 since the book has 598 pages； you can figure out just how long its going to take me。 and thats not even counting the second volume。 but。 。 。 very interesting！
the things a schoolgirl has to do in the course of a single day！ take me； for example。 first； i translated a passage on nelsons last battle from dutch into english。
then； i read more about the northern war （1700…21） involving peter the great； charles xii； augustus the strong； stanislaus leczinsky； mazeppa； von gorz； bran… denburg； western pomerania； eastern pomerania and denmark； plus the usual dates。
next； i wound up in brazil； where i read about bahia tobacco； the abundance of coffee； the one and a half million inhabitants of rio de janeiro； pernambuco and sao paulo and； last but not least； the amazon river。 then about negroes； mulattoes； mestizos； whites； the illiteracy rate over 50 percent and malaria。 since i had some time left； i glanced through a genealogical chart： john the old； william louis； ernest casimir i； henry casimir i； right up to little margriet franciska （born in 1943 in
ottawa）。
twelve oclock： i resumed my studies in the attic； reading about deans； priests； ministers； popes and 。 。 。 whew； it was one oclock！
at two the poor child （ho hum） was back at work。 old world and new world monkeys were next。 kitty； tell me quickly； how many toes does a hippopotamus have？
then came the bible； noahs ark； shem； ham and japheth。 after that； charles v。
then； with peter； thack… erays book about the colonel； in english。 a french test； and then a parison between the mississippi and the missouri！
enough for today。 adieu！
yours； anne
m。 frank
friday； april 28； 1944
dearest kitty；
ive never forgotten my dream of peter schiff （see the beginning of january）。 even now i can still feel his cheek against mine； and that wonderful glow that made up for all the rest。 once in a while id had the same feeling with this peter； but never so intensely。 。 。 until last night。 we were sitting on the divan； as usual； in each others arms。 suddenly the everyday anne slipped away and the second anne took her place。
the second anne； whos never overconfident or amusing； but wants only to love and be gentle。
i sat pressed against him and felt a wave of emotion e over me。 tears rushed to my eyes； those from the left fell on his overalls； while those from the right trickled down my nose and into the air and landed beside the first。 did he notice？ he made no movement to show that he had。 did he feel the same way i did？ he hardly said a word。 did he realize he had two annes at his side？ my questions went unanswered。
at eight…thirty i stood up and went to the window； where we always say good…bye。 i was still trembling； i was still anne number two。 he came over to me； and i threw my arms around his neck and kissed him on his left cheek。 i was about to kiss the other cheek when my mouth met his； and we pressed our lips together。 in a daze； we embraced； over and over again； never to stop； oh！
peter needs tenderness。 for the first time in his life hes discovered a girl； for the
first time hes seen that even the biggest pests also have an inner self and a heart； and are transformed as soon as theyre alone with you。 for the first time in his life hes given himself and his friendship to another person。 hes never had a friend before； boy or girl。 now weve found each other。 i； for that matter； didnt know him either； had never had someone i could confide in； and its led to this 。 。 。
the same question keeps nagging me： 〃is it right？〃 is it right for me to yield so soon； for me to be so passionate； to be filled with as much passion and desire as peter？
can i； a girl； allow myself to go that far？
theres only one possible answer： 〃im longing so much。 。 。 and have for such a long time。 im so lonely and now ive found fort！鈥�
in the mornings we act normally； in the afternoons too； except now and then。 but in the evenings the suppressed longing of the entire day； the happiness and the bliss of all the times before e rushing to the surface； and all we can think about is each other。 every night； after our last kiss； i feel like running away and never looking him in the eyes again。 away； far away into the darkness and alone！
and what awaits me at the bottom of those fourteen stairs？ bright lights； questions and laughter。 i have to act normally and hope they dont notice anything。
my heart is s