安妮日记英文版_安妮·弗兰克- 第65部分

despite　the　mess　and　bother；　im　glad　it　hasnt　deserted　me。

as　you　can　no　doubt　imagine；　we　often　say　in　despair；　〃whats　the　point　of　the　war？

why；　oh；　why　cant　people　live　together　peacefully？　why　all　this　destruction？〃

the　question　is　understandable；　but　up　to　now　no　one　has　e　up　with　a　satisfactory　answer。　why　is　england　manufacturing　bigger　and　better　airplanes　and　bombs　and　at　the　same　time　churning　out　new　houses　for　reconstruction？　why　are　millions　spent　on　the　war　each　day；　while　not　a　penny　is　available　for　medical　science；　artists　or　the　poor？　why　do　people　have　to　starve　when　mountains　of　food　are　rotting　away　in　other　parts　of　the　world？　oh；　why　are　people　so　crazy？

i　dont　believe　the　war　is　simply　the　work　of　politicians　and　capitalists。　oh　no；　the　mon　man　is　every　bit　as　guilty；　otherwise；　people　and　nations　would　have　re…　belled　long　ago！　theres　a　destructive　urge　in　people；　the　urge　to　rage；　murder　and　kill。　and　until　all　of　humanity；　without　exception；　undergoes　a　metamorphosis；　wars　will　continue　to　be　waged；　and　everything　that　has　been　carefully　built　up；　cultivated　and　grown　will　be　cut　down　and　destroyed；　only　to　start　allover　again！

ive　often　been　down　in　the　dumps；　but　never　desperate。　i　look　upon　our　life　in　hiding　as　an　interesting　adventure；　full　of　danger　and　romance；　and　every　privation　as　an　amusing　addition　to　my　diary。　ive　made　up　my　mind　to　lead　a　different　life　from　other　girls；　and　not　to　bee　an　ordinary　housewife　later　on。　what　im　experiencing　here　is　a　good　beginning　to　an　interesting　life；　and　thats　the　reason　　the　only　reason　　why　i　have　to　laugh　at　the　humorous　side　of　the　most　dangerous　moments。

im　young　and　have　many　hidden　qualities；　im　young　and　strong　and　living　through　a　big　adventure；　im　right　in　the　middle　of　it　and　cant　spend　all　day　plaining　because　its　impossible　to　have　any　fun！　im　blessed　with　many　things：　happiness；　a　cheerful　disposition　and　strength。　every　day　i　feel　myself　maturing；　i　feel　liberation　drawing　near；　i　feel　the　beauty　of　nature　and　the　goodness　of　the　people　around　me。　every　day　i　think　what　a　fascinating　and　amusing　adventure　this　is！　with　all　that；　why　should　i　despair？

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

friday；　may　5；　1944

dear　kitty；

fathers　unhappy　with　me。　after　our　talk　on　sunday　he　thought　id　stop　going　upstairs　every　evening。　he　wont　have　any　of　that　〃knutscherej〃*　＇*　necking＇　going　on。　i　cant　stand　that　word。　talking　about　it　was　bad　enough　　why　does　he　have　to　make　me　feel　bad　too！　ill　have　a　word　with　him　today。　margot　gave　me　some　good　advice。

heres　more　or　less　what　id　like　to　say：

i　think　you　expect　an　explanation　from　me；　father；　so　ill　give　you　one。　youre　disap…　pointed　in　me；　you　expected　more　restraint　from　me；　you　no　doubt　want　me　to　act　the　way　a　fourteen…year…old　is　supposed　to。　but　thats　where　youre　wrong！

since　weve　been　here；　from　july　1942　until　a　few　weeks　ago；　i　havent　had　an　easy　time。　if　only　you　knew　how　much　i　used　to　cry　at　night；　how　unhappy　and　despondent　i　was；　how　lonely　i　felt；　youd　understand　my　wanting　to　go　upstairs！　ive　now　reached　the　point　where　i　dont　need　the　support　of　mother　or　anyone　else。　it　didnt　happen　overnight。　ive　struggled　long　and　hard　and　shed　many　tears　to　bee　as　independent　as　i　am　now。　you　can　laugh　and　refuse　to　believe　me；　but　i　dont　care。　i　know　im　an　independent　person；　and　i　dont　feel　i　need　to　account　to　you　for　my　actions。　im　only　telling　you　this　because　i　dont　want　you　to　think　im　doing　things　behind　your　back。　but　theres　only　one　person　im　accountable　to；　and　thats　me。

when　i　was　having　problems；　everyone　　and　that　includes　you　　closed　their　eyes　and　ears　and　didnt　help　me。　on　the　contrary；　all　i　ever　got　were　admonitions　not　to　be　so　noisy。　i　was　noisy　only　to　keep　myself　from　being　miserable　all　the　time。　i　was　overconfident　to　keep　from　having　to　listen　to　the　voice　inside　me。　ive　been　putting　on　an　act　for　the　last　year　and　a　half；　day　in；　day　out。　ive　never　plained　or　dropped　my　mask；　nothing　of　the　kind；　and　now。　。　。　now　the　battle　is　over。　ive　won！　im　independent；　in　both　body　and　mind。　i　dont　need　a　mother　anymore；　and　ive　emerged　from　the　struggle　a　stronger　person。

now　that　its　over；　now　that　i　know　the　battle　has　been　won；　i　want　to　go　my　own　way；　to　follow　the　path　that　seems　right　to　me。　dont　think　of　me　as　a　fourteen…year…old；　since　all　these　troubles　have　made　me　older；　i　wont　regret　my　actions；　ill　behave　the　way　i　think　i　should！

gentle　persuasion　wont　keep　me　from　going　upstairs。　youll　either　have　to　forbid　it；　or　trust　me　through　thick　and　thin。　whatever　you　do；　just　leave　me　alone！

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

saturday；　may　6；　1944

dearest　kitty；

last　night　before　dinner　i　tucked　the　letter　id　written　into　fathers　pocket。　according　to　margot；　he　read　it　and　was　upset　for　the　rest　of　the　evening。　（i　was　upstairs　doing　the　dishes！）　poor　pim；　i　might　have　known　what　the　effect　of　such　an　epistle　would

be。　hes　so　sensitive！　i　immediately　told　peter　not　to　ask　any　questions　or　say　anything　more。　pims　said　nothing　else　to　me　about　the　matter。　is　he　going　to？

everything　here　is　more　or　less　back　to　normal。　we　can　hardly　believe　what　jan；　mr。

kugler　and　mr。　kleiman　tell　us　about　the　prices　and　the　people　on　the　outside；　half　a　pound　of　tea　costs　350。00　guilders；　half　a　pound　of　coffee　80。00　guilders；　a　pound　of　butter　35。00　guilders；　one　egg　1。45　guilders。　people　are　paying　14。00　guilders　an　ounce　for　bulgarian　tobacco！　everyones　trading　on　the　black　market；　every　errand　boy　has　something　to　offer。　the　delivery　boy　from　the　bakery　has　supplied　us　with　darning　thread…90　cents　for　one　measly　skein…the　milkman　can　get　hold　of　ration　books；　an　undertaker　delivers　cheese。　break…ins；　murders　and　thefts　are　daily　occurrences。　even　the　police　and　night　watchmen　are　getting　in　on　the　act。　everyone　wants　to　put　food　in　their　stomachs；　and　since　salaries　have　been　frozen；　people　have　had　to　resort　to　swindling。　the　police　have　their　hands　full　trying　to　track　down　the　many　girls　of　fifteen；　sixteen；　seventeen　and　older　who　are　reported　missing　every　day。

i　want　to　try　to　finish　my　story　about　ellen；　the　fairy。　just　for　fun；　i　can　give　it　to　father　on　his　birthday；　together　with　all　the　copyrights。

see　you　later！　（actually；　thats　not　the　right　phrase。　in　the　german　program　broadcast　from　england　they　always　close　with　〃aufwiederhoren。〃　so　i　guess　i　should　say；　〃until　we　write　again。〃）

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

sunday　morning；　may　7；1944

dearest　kitty；

father　and　i　had　a　long　talk　yesterday　afternoon。　i　cried　my　eyes　out；　and　he　cried　too。　do　you　know　what　he　said　to　me；　kitty？

〃ive　received　many　letters　in　my　lifetime；　but　none　as　hurtful　as　this。　you；　who　have　had　so　much　love　from　your　parents。　you；　whose　parents　have　always　been　ready　to　help　you；　who　have　always　defended　you；　no　matter　what。　you　talk　of　not　having　to　account　to　us　for　your　actions！　you　feel　youve　been　wronged　and　left　to　your　own　devices。　no；　anne；　youve　done　us　a　great　injustice！

〃perhaps　you　didnt　mean　it　that　way；　but　thats　what　you　wrote。　no；　anne；　we　have　done　nothing　to　deserve　such　a　reproach！〃

oh；　ive　failed　miserably。　this　is　the　w