really not tell that I was not the girl who’d worked for her for
over a year already？ “I’m Andrea； Miranda。 I’m your new assistant。”
Silence。 All…pervasive； unbearable； never…ending； deafening；
debilitating silence。
I knew I shouldn’t keep talking； knew that I was digging my own
grave； but I just couldn’t help myself。 “Um； well； sorry about the
confusion。 I’ll just put these on the hooks； like you said； and let
myself out。”Stop narrating！ She doesn’t give a shit what you’re
doing。 Just do it and get out 。 “OK； then； have a nice dinner。 Nice
meeting all of you。” I turned to leave and realized that not only
was the mere act of talking ridiculous； but I was also saying stupid
things。Nice to meet you？ I hadn’t been introduced to a single one of
them。
“Emily！” I heard just as my hand reached the doorknob。 “Emily； let
this not happen tomorrow night。 We’re not interested in the
interruption。” And the doorknob turned itself in my hand and I was
finally in the hallway。 The entire thing had taken less than a
minute； but I felt like I’d just swum the entire length of an
Olympic…size pool without ing up for air。
I slumped onto the bench and took long； controlled breaths。 That
bitch！ The first time she called me Emily could’ve been a mistake；
but the second was undoubtedly deliberate。 What better way to
belittle and marginalize someone than to insist on calling them the
wrong name； after you’ve refused to so much as acknowledge their
presence in your own Home？ I knew I was the lowest…ranking life…form
at the magazine already—as Emily hadn’t yet lost an opportunity to
impress upon me—but was it really so necessary for Miranda to make
sure I was aware of it； too？
It wouldn’t have been outside the realm of reality to sit there all
night and shoot mental bullets at the PH A doors； but I heard a
throat clearing and looked up to find the sad little elevator man
watching the floor and patiently waiting for me to join him。
“Sorry；” I said as I shuffled aboard。
“No problem；” he near…whispered； intently studying the wood…paneled
floor。 “It’ll get easier。”
“What？ I’m sorry； I didn’t hear what you—”
“Nothing； nothing。 Here you are； miss。 Have a nice evening。” The
door opened to the lobby； where Emily was loudly chattering on her
Cell Phone。 She clicked it closed when she saw me。
“How’d it go？ No problem； right？”
I thought about telling her what had transpired； wished fervently
that she could be a sympathetic coworker； that we could be a team；
but I knew I’d just be setting myself up for another verbal
lashing。So not interested right now。
“It was totally fine。 No problems at all。 They were eating dinner
and I just left everything exactly where you said。”
“Good。 Well； that’s what you’ll do every night。 Then just take the
car Home and you’re done。 Anyway； have fun at Marshall’s party
tonight。 I’d definitely go； but I have a bikini wax appointment I
just can’t cancel—do you believe they’re booked for the next two
months？ And it’s the middle of winter； too。 It must be all the
people who are going on winter vacations。 Right？ I just can’t
understand why every woman in New York needs a bikini wax right now。
It’s just so strange； but hey； what can you do？”
My head pounded to the tempo of her voice； and it seemed that no
matter what I did or how I responded； I was sentenced to forever
listen to her talk about bikini waxes。 It may have been better to
have her scream at me about interrupting Miranda’s dinner。
“Yeah； what can you do？ Well； I’d better get going； I told James I’d
meet him at nine and it’s already ten after。 See you tomorrow？”
“Yep。 Will do。 Oh； just so you know； now that you’re pretty much
trained； you’ll still get in at seven； but I don’t e in until
eight。 Miranda knows—it’s understood that the senior assistant es
in later since she works so much harder。” I almost lunged at her
throat。 “So just go through the morning routine like I taught you。
Call me if you have to； but you should know the drill by now。 ’Bye！”
She hopped into the backseat of the second car that was waiting in
front of the building。
“’Bye！” I trilled； a giant fake smile plastered on my face。 The
driver made a move to get out of the car and open the door for me；
but I told him I was fine to let myself into the backseat。 “The
Plaza； please。”
James had been waiting for me on the stairs outside even though it
couldn’t have been more than twenty degrees。 He’d gone Home to
change and looked very； very skinny in black suede pants and a white
ribbed tank top； which showed off his expertly applied midwinter
bottle tan。 I still looked appropriately amateurish in my Gap
miniskirt。
“Hey； Andy； how’d the Book dropping…off go？” We waited in line to
check our coats and I had immediately spotted Brad Pitt。
“Ohmigod； you’re joking。 Brad Pitt’s here？”
“Yeah； well； Marshall does Jennifer’s hair； natch。 So she must be
here also。 Really； Andy； maybe next time you’ll believe me when I
tell you to stick with me。 Let’s get a drink。”
The Reese and Johnny spottings had e back to back； and by the
time oneA 。M。 rolled around； I’d had four drinks and was happily
gabbing away with a fashion assistant fromVogue 。 We were discussing
bikini waxes。 Passionately。 And it didn’t even bother me。Christ； I
thought； as I weaved through the crowd looking for James； flashing a
giant kiss…ass smile in the general direction of Jennifer Aniston
when I passed by—this isn’t a half…bad party。 But I was tipsy； I had
to be at work again in less than six hours； and I hadn’t been Home
in nearly twenty…four； so when I spotted James making out with one
of the colorists from Marshall’s salon； I was just about to duck out
when I felt a hand in the small of my back。
“Hey；” said the gorgeous guy I’d spotted earlier lurking in the
corner。 I waited for him to realize that he’d approached the wrong
girl； that I must’ve looked the same as his girlfriend from behind；
but he just smiled even wider。 “Not so talkative； are you？”
“Oh； and saying ‘hey’ makes you articulate； I guess？”Andy！ Shut your
mouth！ I berated silently。Some absolutely beautiful man approaches
you out of the blue at a party full of celebrities and you tell him
off right away？ But he didn’t seem offended； and even though it
didn’t seem possible； his smile increased in size to an all…out
grin。
“Sorry；” I muttered while examining my nearly empty drink。 “My
name’s Andrea。 There。 I think that’s a much better way of
beginning。” I stuck out my hand and wondered what he wanted。
“Actually； I liked your way j