dishwasher and washer…dryer； and three bedrooms and two bathrooms？”
she pointed out； as if she were the first to make this realization。
For 2；280 you could get a beachfront townhouse in LA； a three…story
condo on a tree…lined street in Chicago； a four…bedroom split…level
in Miami； or a goddamn castle with a moat in Cleveland。 Yes； we knew
this。
“And two parking spots； access to the golf course； gym； and pool；” I
added helpfully。 “Yeah； I know。 But believe it or not； this is a
great deal。 I think we’ll be very happy here。”
She hugged me。 “I think you will be； too。 As long as you don’t work
too hard to enjoy it；” she said lightly。
My dad walked in and opened the duffel bag that he’d been dragging
around all day； one I’d assumed held racquetball clothes for his
game later。 But he pulled out a maroon box emblazoned with “Limited
Edition！” across the front。 Scrabble。 The collector’s edition； where
the board came mounted on its own lazy Susan and the squares had
little raised borders so the letters didn’t slide around。 We’d been
admiring them together in specialty game stores for the past ten
years； but no occasion had ever warranted purchasing one。
“Oh； Dad。 You shouldn’t have！” I knew the board cost well over two
hundred dollars。 “Oh！ I just love it！”
“Use it in good health；” he said； hugging me back。 “Or better yet；
to kick your old man’s ass； as I know you will。 I remember when I
used to let you win。 I had to； or you’d stomp around the house；
sulking all night。 And now！ Well； now my old brain cells are fried
and I couldn’t beat you if I tried。 Not that I won’t；” he added。
I was about to tell him that I’d learned from the best； but Alex had
walked in。 And he didn’t look happy。
“What’s wrong？” I immediately asked as he fidgeted with his
sneakers。
“Oh； nothing at all；” he lied while glancing in the direction of my
parents。 He shot me a “just hold on a sec” look and said； “Here； I
brought a box。”
“Let’s go get a few more；” my dad said to my mom； moving toward the
door。 “Maybe Mr。 Fisher has some sort of cart。 We could bring a
bunch up at once。 Be right back。”
I looked at Alex； and we both waited until we’d heard the elevator
open and close。
“So； I just talked to Lily；” he said slowly。
“She’s not still mad at me； is she？ She’s been so weird all week。”
“No； I don’t think it’s that。”
“So what is it？”
“Well； she wasn’t at Home 。 。 。”
“So where is she？ Some guy’s apartment？ I can’t believe she’s late
for her own moving day。” I yanked open one of the windows in the
converted bedroom to let some of the cold air dissipate the smell of
new paint。
“No； she was actually at a police precinct in midtown。” He looked at
his shoes。
“She was where？ Is she OK？ Ohmigod！ Was she mugged or raped？ I have
to go to her right away。”
“Andy； she’s fine。 She was arrested。” He said it quietly； as if he
were breaking the news to a parent that their child wasn’t going to
pass fourth grade。
“Arrested？ She was arrested？” I tried to stay calm； but I realized
too late that I was screaming。 My dad walked in； pulling a giant
cart that looked ready to topple under the weight of unevenly
stacked boxes。
“Who was arrested？” he asked off…handedly。 “Mr。 Fisher brought all
this stuff up for us。”
I was racking my brain for a lie； but Alex stepped in before I could
think of anything remotely plausible。 “Oh； I was just telling Andy
that I saw on VH…1 last night that one of the girls from TLC was
arrested on drug charges。 And she always seemed like one of the
straighter ones 。 。 。”
My dad shook his head and surveyed the room； only half listening and
probably wondering when exactly Alex or myself had bee so
interested in female pop stars that we actually discussed it。 “I’m
thinking that the only real place your bed can go is with the head
against the far wall；” he said。 “Speaking of which； I better go see
how they’re doing。”
I literally flung my body in front of Alex the minute the apartment
door closed。
“Quickly！ Tell me what happened。 What happened？”
“Andy； you’re shrieking。 It’s not so bad。 Actually； it’s kind of
funny。” His eyes crinkled as he laughed； and for a brief second he
looked just like Eduardo。 Ew。
“Alex Fineman； you better fucking tell me right now what happened
with my best friend—”
“OK； OK； relax。” He was clearly enjoying this。 “She was out with
some guy last night that she referred to as Tongue Ring Boy—do we
know who that is？”
I stared at him。
“Anyway； they went out for dinner and Tongue Ring Boy was walking
her Home； and she thought it’d be fun to flash him； right there on
the street outside the restaurant。 ‘Sexy；’ she said。 To get him
interested。”
I envisioned Lily unwrapping a dinner mint and strolling outside
after a romantic meal； only to pull away and yank up her shirt for a
guy who’d paid to have someone ram a post through his tongue。 Jesus。
“Oh no。 She didn’t 。 。 。”
Alex nodded somberly； trying not to laugh。
“You’re telling me my friend got arrested for showing her breasts？
That’s ridiculous。 This is New York。 I see women every day who are
practically topless—and that’s in the workplace！” I was shrieking
again； but I couldn’t help it。
“Her bottom。” He was looking at his shoes again； and his face was so
red； I couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or hysterical。
“Her what？”
“Not her breasts。 Her bottom。 Her lower half。 Like； all of it。 Front
and back。” An ear…to…ear grin had finally broken out； and he looked
so delighted that I thought he might wet himself。
“Oh； say it isn’t true；” I moaned； wondering what my friend had
gotten herself into now。 “And a cop saw her and arrested her？”
“No； evidently two little kids saw her do it and pointed it out to
their mother 。 。 。”
“Oh； god。”
“So； the mother asked her to pull her pants back up； and Lily loudly
told her what she could do with her opinions； and the woman went and
found a cop standing on the next street over。”
“Oh； stop。 Oh； please； just stop。”
“It gets better。 By the time the woman and the cop came back； Lily
and Tongue Ring Boy were going at it on the street； pretty hot and
heavy from what she said。”
“Who is this？ This is my friend Lily Goodwin？ My sweet； adorable
best friend from eighth grade now gets naked and hooks up on street
corners？ With guys who have tongue rings？”
“Andy； calm down。 Really； she’s fine。 The only reason the cop
actually arrested her was because she gave him the finger when he
asked if she had； in