t all those years。 He knew about Assef； the kite； the money； the watch with the lightning bolt hands。 He had always known。
e。 There is a way to be good again； Rahim Khan had said on the phone just before hanging up。 Said it in passing； almost as an afterthought。
A way to be good again。
WHEN I CAME HOME； Soraya was on the phone with her mother。 Won t be long； Madarjan。 A week； maybe two。。。 Yes； you and Padar can stay with me。
Two years earlier； the general had broken his right hip。 He d had one of his migraines again； and emerging from his room； bleary…eyed and dazed； he had tripped on a loose carpet edge。 His scream had brought Khala Jamila running from the kitchen。 It sounded like a jaroo； a broomstick； snapping in half； she was always fond of saying； though the doctor had said it was unlikely she d heard anything of the sort。 The general s shattered hip……and all of the ensuing plications； the pneumonia； blood poisoning； the protracted stay at the nursing home……ended Khala Jamila s long…running soliloquies about her own health。 And started new ones about the general s。 She d tell anyone who would listen that the doctors had told them his kidneys were failing。 But then they had never seen Afghan kidneys； had they？ she d say proudly。 What I remember most about the general s hospital stay is how Khala Jamila would wait until he fell asleep； and then sing to him； songs I remembered from Kabul； playing on Baba s scratchy old transistor radio。
The general s frailty……and time……had softened things between him and Soraya too。 They took walks together； went to lunch on Saturdays； and； sometimes； the general sat in on some of her classes。 He d sit in the back of the room； dressed in his shiny old gray suit； wooden cane across his lap； smiling。 Sometimes he even took notes。
THAT NIGHT； Soraya and I lay in bed； her back pressed to my chest； my face buried in her hair。 I remembered when we used to lay forehead to forehead； sharing afterglow kisses and whispering until our eyes drifted closed； whispering about tiny； curled toes； first smiles； first words； first steps。 We still did sometimes； but the whispers were about school； my new book； a giggle
over someone s ridiculous dress at a party。 Our lovemaking was still good； at times better than good； but some nights all I d feel was a relief to be done with it； to be free to drift away and forget； at least for a while； about the futility of what we d just done。 She never said so； but I knew sometimes Soraya felt it too。 On those nights； we d each roll to our side of the bed and let our own savior take us away。 Soraya s was sleep。 Mine； as always； was a book。
I lay in the dark the night Rahim Khan called and traced with my eyes the parallel silver lines on the wall made by moonlight pouring through the blinds。 At some point； maybe just before dawn； I drifted to sleep。 And dreamed of Hassan running in the snow； the hem of his green chapan dragging behind him； snow crunching under his black rubber boots。 He was yelling over his shoulder： For you； a thousand times over！
A WEEK LATER； I sat on a window seat aboard a Pakistani International Airlines flight； watching a pair of uniformed airline workers remove the wheel chocks。 The plane taxied out of the terminal and； soon； we were airborne； cutting through the clouds。 I rested my head against the window。 Waited； in vain； for sleep。
FIFTEEN
Three hours after my flight landed in Peshawar； I was sitting on shredded upholstery in the backseat of a smoke…filled taxicab。 My driver； a chain…smoking； sweaty little man who introduced himself as Gholam； drove nonchalantly and reckle