with wrongs； or with projects for the general welfare （and they had
better have had wrongs at first； than have taken that bitter English
recipe for certainly getting them）； who in slow lapse of time and agony
had passed safely through other public departments； who； according to
rule； had been bullied in this； over…reached by that； and evaded by
the other； got referred at last to the Circumlocution Office； and
never reappeared in the light of day。 Boards sat upon them； secretaries
minuted upon them； missioners gabbled about them； clerks registered；
entered； checked； and ticked them off； and they melted away。 In short；
all the business of the country went through the Circumlocution Office；
except the business that never came out of it； and its name was Legion。
Sometimes； angry spirits attacked the Circumlocution Office。 Sometimes；
parliamentary questions were asked about it； and even parliamentary
motions made or threatened about it by demagogues so low and ignorant as
to hold that the real recipe of government was； How to do it。 Then would
the noble lord； or right honourable gentleman； in whose department it
was to defend the Circumlocution Office； put an orange in his pocket；
and make a regular field…day of the occasion。 Then would he e down to
that house with a slap upon the table； and meet the honourable gentleman
foot to foot。 Then would he be there to tell that honourable gentleman
that the Circumlocution Office not only was blameless in this matter；
but was mendable in this matter； was extollable to the skies in this
matter。 Then would he be there to tell that honourable gentleman that；
although the Circumlocution Office was invariably right and wholly
right； it never was so right as in this matter。 Then would he be there
to tell that honourable gentleman that it would have been more to his
honour； more to his credit； more to his good taste； more to his good
sense； more to half the dictionary of monplaces； if he had left the
Circumlocution Office alone； and never approached this matter。 Then
would he keep one eye upon a coach or crammer from the Circumlocution
Office sitting below the bar； and smash the honourable gentleman with
the Circumlocution Office account of this matter。 And although one
of two things always happened； namely； either that the Circumlocution
Office had nothing to say and said it； or that it had something to say
of which the noble lord； or right honourable gentleman； blundered one
half and forgot the other； the Circumlocution Office was always voted
immaculate by an acmodating majority。
Such a nursery of statesmen had the Department bee in virtue of a
long career of this nature； that several solemn lords had attained the
reputation of being quite unearthly prodigies of business； solely from
having practised； How not to do it； as the head of the Circumlocution
Office。 As to the minor priests and acolytes of that temple； the result
of all this was that they stood divided into two classes； and； down to
the junior messenger； either believed in the Circumlocution Office as
a heaven…born institution that had an absolute right to do whatever it
liked； or took refuge in total infidelity； and considered it a flagrant
nuisance。
The Barnacle family had for some time helped to administer the
Circumlocution Office。 The Tite Barnacle Branch； indeed； considered
themselves in a general way as having vested rights in that direction；
and took it ill if any other family had much to say to it。 The Barnacles
were a very high family； and a very large family。 They were dispersed
all over the public offices； and held all sorts of public places。 Either
the nation was under a load of obligation to the Barnacles； or the
Barnacles were under a load of obligation to the nation。 It was not
quite unanimously settled which； the Barnacles having their opinion； the
nation theirs。
The Mr Tite Barnacle who at the period now in question usually coached
or crammed the statesman at the head of the Circumlocution Office； when
that noble or right honourable individual sat a little uneasily in his
saddle by reason of some vagabond making a tilt at him in a newspaper；
was more flush of blood than money。 As a Barnacle he had his place；
which was a snug thing enough； and as a Barnacle he had of course put
in his son Barnacle Junior in the office。 But he had intermarried with
a branch of the Stiltstalkings； who were also better endowed in a
sanguineous point of view than with real or personal property； and of
this marriage there had been issue； Barnacle junior and three young
ladies。 What ents of Barnacle junior； the
three young ladies； Mrs Tite Barnacle nee Stiltstalking； and himself；
Mr Tite Barnacle found the intervals between quarter day and quarter day
rather longer than he could have desired； a circumstance which he always
attributed to the country's parsimony。 For Mr Tite Barnacle； Mr Arthur
Clennam made his fifth inquiry one day at the Circumlocution Office；
having on previous occasions awaited that gentleman successively in a
hall； a glass case； a waiting room； and a fire…proof passage where the
Department seemed to keep its wind。 On this occasion Mr Barnacle was not
engaged； as he had been before； with the noble prodigy at the head of
the Department； but was absent。 Barnacle Junior； however； was announced
as a lesser star； yet visible above the office horizon。
With Barnacle junior； he signified his desire to confer； and found that
young gentleman singeing the calves of his legs at the parental fire；
and supporting his spine against the mantel…shelf。 It was a fortable
room； handsomely furnished in the higher official manner； an presenting
stately suggestions of the absent Barnacle； in the thick carpet； the
leather…covered desk to sit at； the leather…covered desk to stand at；
the formidable easy…chair and hearth…rug； the interposed screen； the
torn…up papers； the dispatch…boxes with little labels sticking out of
them； like medicine bottles or dead game； the pervading smell of leather
and mahogany； and a general bamboozling air of How not to do it。
The present Barnacle； holding Mr Clennam's card in his hand； had a
youthful aspect； and the fluffiest little whisker； perhaps； that ever
was seen。 Such a downy tip was on his callow chin； that he seemed half
fledged like a young bird； and a passionate observer might have urged
that； if he had not singed the calves of his legs； he would have died
of cold。 He had a superior eye…glass dangling round his neck； but
unfortunately had such flat orbits to his eyes and such limp little
eyelids that it wouldn't stick in when he put it up； but kept tumbling
out against his waistcoat buttons with a click that disposed him very
much。
'Oh； I say。 Look here！ My father's not in the way； and won't be in the
way to…day；' said Barnacle Junior。 'Is this anything that I can do？'
（Click！ Eye…glass down。 Barnacle Junior quite frightened and feeling all
round himself； but not able to find it。）
'You are very good；' said Arthur Clennam。 'I wish however to see Mr
Barnacle。'
'But I say。 Look here！ You haven't got any appointment； you know；' said
Barnacle Junior。
（By this time he had found the eye…gla