the endowment of our councilors。 They agreed； unconsciously；
in a mute love for the muddy field through which
they tramped； with eyes narrowed close by the concentration
of their minds。 At length they drew breath； let
the argument fly away into the limbo of other good arguments；
and； leaning over a gate； opened their eyes for
the first time and looked about them。 Their feet tingled
with warm blood and their breath rose in steam around
them。 The bodily exercise made them both feel more direct
and less selfconscious than usual； and Mary； indeed；
was overe by a sort of lightheadedness which made
it seem to her that it mattered very little what happened
next。 It mattered so little； indeed； that she felt herself
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Night and Day
on the point of saying to Ralph：
“I love you； I shall never love anybody else。 Marry me
or leave me； think what you like of me—I don’t care a
straw。” At the moment； however； speech or silence seemed
immaterial； and she merely clapped her hands together；
and looked at the distant woods with the rustlike bloom
on their brown； and the green and blue landscape through
the steam of her own breath。 It seemed a mere tossup
whether she said； “I love you；” or whether she said； “I
love the beechtrees；” or only “I love—I love。”
“Do you know； Mary；” Ralph suddenly interrupted her；
“I’ve made up my mind。”
Her indifference must have been superficial； for it disappeared
at once。 Indeed； she lost sight of the trees； and
saw her own hand upon the topmost bar of the gate with
extreme distinctness； while he went on：
“I’ve made up my mind to chuck my work and live down
here。 I want you to tell me about that cottage you spoke
of。 However； I suppose there’ll be no difficulty about getting
a cottage； will there？” He spoke with an assumption
of carelessness as if expecting her to dissuade him。
She still waited； as if for him to continue； she was
convinced that in some roundabout way he approached
the subject of their marriage。
“I can’t stand the office any longer；” he proceeded。 “I
don’t know what my family will say； but I’m sure I’m right。
Don’t you think so？”
“Live down here by yourself？” she asked。
“Some old woman would do for me； I suppose；” he replied。
“I’m sick of the whole thing；” he went on； and
opened the gate with a jerk。 They began to cross the
next field walking side by side。
“I tell you； Mary； it’s utter destruction； working away；
day after day； at stuff that doesn’t matter a damn to any
one。 I’ve stood eight years of it； and I’m not going to
stand it any longer。 I suppose this all seems to you mad；
though？”
By this time Mary had recovered her selfcontrol。
“No。 I thought you weren’t happy；” she said。
“Why did you think that？” he asked； with some surprise。
“Don’t you remember that morning in Lincoln’s Inn
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Virginia Woolf
Fields？” she asked。
“Yes；” said Ralph； slackening his pace and remembering
Katharine and her engagement； the purple leaves
stamped into the path； the white paper radiant under the
electric light； and the hopelessness which seemed to surround
all these things。
“You’re right； Mary；” he said； with something of an effort；
“though I don’t know how you guessed it。”
She was silent； hoping that he might tell her the reason
of his unhappiness； for his excuses had not deceived her。
“I was unhappy—very unhappy；” he repeated。 Some
six weeks separated him from that afternoon when he
had sat upon the Embankment watching his visions dissolve
in mist as the waters swam past and the sense of
his desolation still made him shiver。 He had not recovered
in the least from that depression。 Here was an opportunity
for making himself face it； as he felt that he
ought to； for； by this time； no doubt； it was only a sentimental
ghost； better exorcised by ruthless exposure to
such an eye as Mary’s； than allowed to underlie all his
actions and thoughts as had been the case ever since he
first saw Katharine Hilbery pouring out tea。 He must begin；
however； by mentioning her name； and this he found
it impossible to do。 He persuaded himself that he could
make an honest statement without speaking her name；
he persuaded himself that his feeling had very little to
do with her。
“Unhappiness is a state of mind；” he said； “by which I
mean that it is not necessarily the result of any particular
cause。”
This rather stilted beginning did not please him； and it
became more and more obvious to him that； whatever he
might say； his unhappiness had been directly caused by
Katharine。
“I began to find my life unsatisfactory；” he started
afresh。 “It seemed to me meaningless。” He paused again；
but felt that this； at any rate； was true； and that on these
lines he could go on。
“All this moneymaking and working ten hours a day in
an office； what’s it for？ When one’s a boy； you see； one’s
head is so full of dreams that it doesn’t seem to matter
what one does。 And if you’re ambitious； you’re all right；
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Night and Day
you’ve got a reason for going on。 Now my reasons ceased
to satisfy me。 Perhaps I never had any。 That’s very likely
now I e to think of it。 （What reason is there for anything；
though？） Still； it’s impossible； after a certain age；
to take oneself in satisfactorily。 And I know what carried
me on”—for a good reason now occurred to him—”I
wanted to be the savior of my family and all that kind of
thing。 I wanted them to get on in the world。 That was a
lie； of course—a kind of selfglorification； too。 Like most
people； I suppose； I’ve lived almost entirely among delusions；
and now I’m at the awkward stage of finding it
out。 I want another delusion to go on with。 That’s what
my unhappiness amounts to； Mary。”
There were two reasons that kept Mary very silent during
this speech； and drew curiously straight lines upon
her face。 In the first place； Ralph made no mention of
marriage； in the second； he was not speaking the truth。
“I don’t think it will be difficult to find a cottage；” she said；
with cheerful hardness； ignoring the whole of this statement。
“You’ve got a little money； haven’t you？ Yes；” she concluded；
“I don’t see why it shouldn’t be a very good plan。”
They crossed the field in plete silence。 Ralph was
surprised by her remark and a little hurt； and yet； on the
whole； rather pleased。 He had convinced himself that it
was impossible to lay his case truthfully before Mary；
and； secretly； he was relieved to find that he had not
parted with his dream to her。 She was； as he had always
found her； the sensible； loyal friend； the woman he trusted；
whose sympathy he could count upon； provided he kept
within certain limits。 He was not displeased to find that
those limits were very clearly marked。 When they had
crossed the next hedge she said to him：
“Yes； Ralph； it’s time you made a break。 I’ve e to
the same conclusion myself。 Only it won’t be a country
cottage in my case； it’ll be America。 America