can’t go on pretending。”
“That is entirely in your hands； of course；” said Rodney；
with an immediate return to the manner of a formal man
of honor。
“Very well；” said Katharine。
Directly he left her she would go to her mother； and
explain that the engagement was at an end—or it might
be better that they should go together？
“But； Katharine；” Rodney began； nervously attempting
to stuff Cassandra’s sheets back into their envelope； “if
Cassandra—should Cassandra—you’ve asked Cassandra to
stay with you。”
“Yes； but I’ve not posted the letter。”
He crossed his knees in a disfited silence。 By all his
codes it was impossible to ask a woman with whom he
had just broken off his engagement to help him to bee
acquainted with another woman with a view to his
falling in love with her。 If it was announced that their
engagement was over； a long and plete separation
would inevitably follow； in those circumstances； letters
and gifts were returned； after years of distance the severed
couple met； perhaps at an evening party； and touched
hands unfortably with an indifferent word or two。 He
would be cast off pletely； he would have to trust to
his own resources。 He could never mention Cassandra to
Katharine again； for months； and doubtless years； he would
never see Katharine again； anything might happen to her
in his absence。
Katharine was almost as well aware of his perplexities
as he was。 She knew in what direction plete generosity
pointed the way； but pride —for to remain engaged
to Rodney and to cover his experiments hurt what was
nobler in her than mere vanity—fought for its life。
“I’m to give up my freedom for an indefinite time；” she
thought； “in order that William may see Cassandra here
at his ease。 He’s not the courage to manage it without
my help—he’s too much of a coward to tell me openly
what he wants。 He hates the notion of a public breach。
He wants to keep us both。”
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Night and Day
When she reached this point； Rodney pocketed the letter
and elaborately looked at his watch。 Although the
action meant that he resigned Cassandra； for he knew his
own inpetence and distrusted himself entirely； and
lost Katharine； for whom his feeling was profound though
unsatisfactory； still it appeared to him that there was
nothing else left for him to do。 He was forced to go；
leaving Katharine free； as he had said； to tell her mother
that the engagement was at an end。 But to do what plain
duty required of an honorable man； cost an effort which
only a day or two ago would have been inconceivable to
him。 That a relationship such as he had glanced at with
desire could be possible between him and Katharine； he
would have been the first； two days ago； to deny with
indignation。 But now his life had changed； his attitude
had changed； his feelings were different； new aims and
possibilities had been shown him； and they had an almost
irresistible fascination and force。 The training of a
life of thirtyfive years had not left him defenceless； he
was still master of his dignity； he rose； with a mind made
up to an irrevocable farewell。
“I leave you； then；” he said； standing up and holding
out his hand with an effort that left him pale； but lent
him dignity； “to tell your mother that our engagement is
ended by your desire。”
She took his hand and held it。
“You don’t trust me？” she said。
“I do； absolutely；” he replied。
“No。 You don’t trust me to help you… 。 I could help
you？”
“I’m hopeless without your help！” he exclaimed passionately；
but withdrew his hand and turned his back。
When he faced her； she thought that she saw him for the
first time without disguise。
“It’s useless to pretend that I don’t understand what
you’re offering； Katharine。 I admit what you say。 Speaking
to you perfectly frankly； I believe at this moment
that I do love your cousin； there is a chance that； with
your help； I might—but no；” he broke off； “it’s impossible；
it’s wrong—I’m infinitely to blame for having allowed
this situation to arise。”
“Sit beside me。 Let’s consider sensibly—”
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Virginia Woolf
“Your sense has been our undoing—” he groaned。
“I accept the responsibility。”
“Ah； but can I allow that？” he exclaimed。 “It would
mean—for we must face it； Katharine—that we let our
engagement stand for the time nominally； in fact； of
course； your freedom would be absolute。”
“And yours too。”
“Yes； we should both be free。 Let us say that I saw
Cassandra once； twice； perhaps； under these conditions；
and then if； as I think certain； the whole thing proves a
dream； we tell your mother instantly。 Why not tell her
now； indeed； under pledge of secrecy？”
“Why not？ It would be over London in ten minutes；
besides； she would never even remotely understand。”
“Your father； then？ This secrecy is detestable—it’s dishonorable。”
“My father would understand even less than my mother。”
“Ah； who could be expected to understand？” Rodney
groaned； “but it’s from your point of view that we must
look at it。 It’s not only asking too much； it’s putting you
into a position—a position in which I could not endure
to see my own sister。”
“We’re not brothers and sisters；” she said impatiently；
“and if we can’t decide； who can？ I’m not talking nonsense；”
she proceeded。 “I’ve done my best to think this
out from every point of view； and I’ve e to the conclusion
that there are risks which have to be taken；—
though I don’t deny that they hurt horribly。”
“Katharine； you mind？ You’ll mind too much。”
“No I shan’t；” she said stoutly。 “I shall mind a good deal；
but I’m prepared for that； I shall get through it； because
you will help me。 You’ll both help me。 In fact； we’ll help
each other。 That’s a Christian doctrine； isn’t it？”
“It sounds more like Paganism to me；” Rodney groaned；
as he reviewed the situation into which her Christian
doctrine was plunging them。
And yet he could not deny that a divine relief possessed
him； and that the future； instead of wearing a
leadcolored mask； now blossomed with a thousand varied
gaieties and excitements。 He was actually to see
Cassandra within a week or perhaps less； and he was more
anxious to know the date of her arrival than he could
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Night and Day
own even to himself。 It seemed base to be so anxious to
pluck this fruit of Katharine’s unexampled generosity and
of his own contemptible baseness。 And yet； though he
used these words automatically； they had now no meaning。
He was not debased in his own eyes by what he had
done； and as for praising Katharine； were they not partners；
conspirators； people bent upon the same quest together；
so that to praise the pursuit of a mon end as
an act of generosity was meaningless。 He took her hand
and pressed it； not in thanks so much as in an ecstasy of
radeship。
“We will help each other；” he said； repeating her words；
seeking her eyes in an enthusiasm of friendship。
Her eyes w