the notebook-恋恋笔记本(英文版)- 第20部分

〃No。　And　I　won't。　That's　between　you　and　him。　But　knowing　him；　I'm　sure　he'll　find　you。　All　it　takes　is　a　couple　of　phone　calls　to　the　right　people。　After　all；　I　was　able　to　find　you；〃

Allie；　though　obviously　wearied；　smiled　at　her　mother。　〃Thank　you；〃　she　said；　and　her　mother　readied　for　her　hand。

〃I　know　we've　had　our　differences；　Allie；　and　that　we　haven't　seen　eye　to　eye　on　everything。　But　I'm…your　mother　and　that　means　I’ll　always　love　you。〃

Allie　was　silent　for　a　moment；　then：　〃What　should　I　do？〃

〃I　don’t　know；　Allie；　That's　up　to　you。　But　I　would　think　about　it。　Think　about　what　you　really　want。”

Allie　turned　away；　her　eyes　reddening。　A　moment　later　a　tear　drifted　down　her　cheek。　〃I　don't　know　。　。　。　〃　She　trailed　off；　and　her　mother　squeezed　her　hand。

Anne　looked　at　Noah；　who　had　been　sitting　with　his　head　down；　listening　carefully。　As　if　on　cue；　he　returned　her　gaze；　nodded　and　left　the　room。

When　he　was　gone；　Anne　whispered；　〃Do　you　love　him？〃

〃Yes；　I　do；〃　Allie　answered　softly；　〃very　much。〃

〃Do　you　love　Lon？〃

〃Yes；　I　do。　I　love　him；　too。　Dearly；　but　in　a　different　way。　He　doesn't　make　me　feel　the　way　Noah　does。〃

〃No　one　will　ever　do　that；〃　her　mother　said；　and　she　released　Allie's　hand。　〃I　can't　make　this　decision　for　you；　Allie；　this　one's　all　yours。　I　want　you　to　know；　though；　that　I　love　you。　And　I　always　will。　I　know　that　doesn't　help；　but　it's　all　I　can　do。〃

She　reached　in　her　handbag　and　removed　a　bundle　of　letters　held　together　with　string；　the　envelopes　old　and　slightly　yellowed。

〃These　are　the　letters　that　Noah　wrote　to　you。　I　never　threw　them　away；　and　they　haven't　been　opened。　I　know　I　shouldn't　have　kept　them　from　you；　and　I'm　sorry　for　that。　But　I　was　just　trying　to　protect　you。　I　didn't　realize。。。”

Allie　took　them　and　ran　her　hand　over　them；　shocked。

〃I　should　go；　Allie。　You've　got　some　decisions　to　make；　and　you　don't　have　much　time。　Do　you　want　me　to　stay　in　town？”

Allie　shook　her　head；　〃No；　this　is　up　to　me。〃

Anne　nodded　and　watched　her　daughter　for　a　moment；　wondering。　Finally　she　stood；　went　around　the　table；　leaned　over　and　kissed　Allie　on　the　cheek。　She　could　see　the　confusion　in　her　daughter's　eyes　as　Allie　embraced　her。

They　stood　together　for　another　minute；　just　holding　each　other。

〃Thanks　for　ing；　Allie　said；　“I　love　you。〃

〃I　love　you　too。〃

As　her　mother　made　her　way　out　of　the　living　room；　Allie　thought　that　she　heard　her　whisper；　〃Follow　your　heart；”　but　she　couldn’t　be　sure；

NOAH　OPENED　the　door　for　Anne　Nelson　as　she　went　out。

“Goodbye　Noah；〃　she　said　quietly。　He　nodded　without　speaking。　There　wasn't　anything　else　to　say；　they　both　knew　that。　She　turned　from　him　and　left；　closing　the　door　behind　her。　Noah　watched　her　dim　away　without　looking　back。　She　was　a　strong　woman；　he　thought　to　himself；　and　he　knew　then　where　Allie　got　it

Noah　peeped　into　the　living　room；　saw　Allie　sitting　with　her　head　down；　then　went　to　the　back　porch；　knowing　that　she　needed　to　be　alone。　He　sat　quietly　in　his　rocker　and　watched　the　water

After　what　seemed　like　an　eternity　he　heard　the　back　door　open。　He　didn’t　turn　to　look　at　her—for　some　reason　he　couldn’t…and　he　listened　as　she　sat　in　the　chair　beside　him。

“I’m　sorry；〃　Allie　said。　〃I　bad　no　idea　this　would　happen。〃

Noah　shook　his　head。　〃Don't　be　sorry。　We　both　knew　it　was　ing　to　some　form　or　another。〃

〃It’s　still　hard。”

〃I　know。〃　He　finally　turned　to　her；　reaching　for　her　hand。　〃Is　here　anything　I　can　do　to　make　it　easier？〃

She　shook　her　head。　〃No。　Not　really。　I　have　to　do　this　alone。　Besides；　I'm　not　sure　what　I'm　going　to　say　to　him　yet。〃　She　looked　down　and　her　voice　became　softer。　〃I　guess　it　depends　on　him　and　low　much　he　knows。　If　my　mother　was　right；　he　may　have　suspicions；　but　he　doesn't　know　anything　for　sure。〃

Noah　felt　tightness　in　his　stomach。　When　he　finally　spoke　his　voice　was　steady；　but　she　could　hear　the　pain　in　it。　〃You're　not　going　to　tell　him　about　us；　are　you？〃

〃I　don't　know。　I　really　don't。　While　I　was　in　the　living　room；　I　kept　asking　myself　what　I　really　wanted　in　my　life。〃　She　squeezed　his　hand。　〃And　do　you　know　what　the　answer　was？　The　answer　was　that　I　want　you。　I　want　us。　I　love　you　and　I　always　have。〃　She　took　a　deep　breath　before　going　on。　〃But　I　also　want　a　happy　ending　without　hurting　anyone。　And　I　know　that　if　I　stayed；　people　would　be　hurt。　Especially　Lon。　I　wasn't　lying　when　I　told　you　that　I　love　him。　He　doesn't　make　me　feel　the　same　way　you　do；　but　I　care　for　him；　and　this　wouldn't　be　fair　to　him。　But　staying　here　would　also　hurt　my　family　and　friends。　I　would　be　betraying　everyone　I　know　。。。　I　don't　know　if　I　can　do　that。〃

〃You　can't　live　your　life　for　other　people。　You've　got　to　do　what's　right　for　you；　even　if　it　hurts　some　people　you　love。〃

〃I　know；〃　she　said；　〃but　no　matter　what　I　choose　I　have　to　live　with　it。　For　ever。　I　have　to　be　able　to　go　forward　and　not　look　back　any　more。　Can　you　understand　that？〃

He　shook　his　head　and　tried　to　keep　his　voice　steady。　〃Not　really。　Not　if　it　means　losing　you。　I　can't　do　that　again。〃

She　didn't　say　anything　but　lowered　her　head。　Noah　went　on：　〃Could　you　really　leave　me　without　looking　back？〃

She　bit　her　lip　as　she　answered。　Her　voice　was　beginning　to　crack。　〃I　don't　know。　Probably　not。〃

〃Would　that　be　fair　to　Lon？〃

She　didn't　answer。　Instead　she　stood　up；　wiped　her　face　and　walked　to　the　edge　of　the　porch　where　she　leaned　against　the　post　and　watched　the　water　before　answering　quietly：　〃No。〃

〃It　doesn't　have　to　be　like　this；　Allie；〃　he　said。　〃We're　adults　now；　we　have　the　choice　we　didn't　have　before。　We're　meant　to　be　together。　We　always　have　been。〃　He　walked　to　her　side　and　put　his　hand　on　her　shoulder。　〃I　don't　want　to　live　the　rest　of　my　life　thinking　about　you　and　dreaming　of　what　might　have　been。　Stay　with　me；　Allie。〃

Tears　filled　her　eyes。　〃I　don't　know　if　I　can；〃　she　whispered。

〃You　can。　Allie　。。。　I　can't　live　my　life　happily　knowing　you're　with　someone　else。　That　would　kill　a　part　of　me。　What　we　have　is　rare。　It's　too　beautiful　to　just　throw　it　away。〃

After　a　moment　he　gently　turned　her　towards　him；　took　her　hands　and　stared　at　her；　willing　her　to　look　at　him。　Allie　finally　faced　him　with　moist　eyes。　After　a　long　silence；　Noah　brushed　the　tears　from　her　cheeks　with　his　fingers。　His　voice　caught　as　he　saw　what　her　eyes　were　telling　him。　〃You're　not　going　to　stay；　are　you？〃　He　smiled　weakly。　〃You　want　to；　but　you　can't。〃

〃Oh；　Noah；〃　she　said　as　the　tears　began　again；　〃try　to　understand—〃

He　shook　his　head　to　stop　her。　〃I　know　what　you're　trying　to　say—I　can　see　it　in　your　eyes。　But　I　don't　want　to　understand　it；　Allie。　I　don't　want　it　to　end　this　way。　I　don't　want　it　to　end　at　all。　But　if　you　leave；　we　both　know　we'll　never　see　each　other　again。〃

She　leaned　into　him　and　began　to　cry　harder　as　Noah　fought　back　his　own　tears。　He　wrapped　his　arms　around　her。

〃Allie；　I　can't　force　you　to　stay　with　me。　But　no　matter　what　happens　in　my　life；　I'll　never　forget　these　last　couple　of　days　with　you。　I've　been　dreaming　about　this　for　years。〃

He　kissed　her　gently；　and　they　embraced　as　they　had　when　she　first　got　out　of　her　car　t