《高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain》

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高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain- 第20部分


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  But she rose from the mirror; and moved toward the bed。
  ‘I ain’t never said nothing like that。 You just kindly turn out that light and I’ll make you toknow that black’s a mighty pretty color。’
  She wondered if Deborah had ever spoken; and she wondered if she would give Gabriel theletter that she carried in her handbag to…night。 She had held it all these years; awaiting some savageopportunity。 What this opportunity would have been she did not; at this moment she did not wantto know。 For she had always thought of this letter as an instrument in her hands which could beused to plete her brother’s destruction。 When he was pletely cast down she would preventhim from ever rising again by holding before him the evidence of his blood…guilt。 But now shethought she would not live to see this patiently awaited day。 She was going to be cut down。
  And the thought filled her with terror and rage; the tears dried on her face and the heartwithin her shook; divided between a terrible longing to surrender and a desire to call God intoaccount。 Why had he preferred her mother and her brother; the old; black woman; and the low;black man; while she; who had sought only to walk upright; was e to die; alone and in poverty;in a dirty; furnished room? She beat her fists heavily against the altar。 He; he would live; andsmiling; watch her go down into the grave! And her mother would be there; leaning over the gatesof Heaven; to see her daughter burning in the pit。
  As she beat her fists on the altar; the old woman above her laid hands on her shoulders;crying: ‘Call on Him; daughter! Call on the Lord!’ And it was as though she had been hurledoutward into time; where no boundaries were; for the voice was the voice of her mother but thehands were the hands of death。 And she cried aloud; as she had never in all her life cried before;falling on her face on the altar; at the feet of the old black woman。 Her tears came down likeburning rain。 And the hands of death caressed her shoulders; the voice whispered and whispered inher ear: ‘God’s got your number; knows where you live; death’s got a warrant out for you。’
  2 GABRIEL’S PRAYERNow I been introducedTo the Father and the Son; And I ain’tNot stranger now。
  When Florence cried; Gabriel was moving outward in fiery darkness; talking to the Lord。
  Her cry came to him from afar; as from unimaginable depths; and it was not his sister’s cry heheard; but the cry of the sinner when he is taken in his sin。 This was the cry he had heard so manydays and nights; before so many altars; and he cried to…night; as he had cried before: ‘Have yourway; Lord! Have your way!’
  Then there was only silence in the church。 Even Praying Mother Washington had ceased tomoan。 Soon someone would cry again; and the voices would begin again; there would be music byand by; and shouting; and the sound of the tambourines。 But now in this waiting; burdened silenceit seemed that all flesh waited—paused; transfixed by something in the middle of the air—for thequickening power。
  This silence; continuing like a corridor; carried Gabriel back to the silence that hadpreceded his birth in Christ。 Like a birth indeed; all that had e before this moment waswrapped in darkness; lay at the bottom of the sea of forgetfulness; and was not now countedagainst him; but was related only to that blind; and doomed; and stinking corruption he had beenbefore he was redeemed。
  The silence was the silence of the early morning; and he was returning from the harlot’shouse。 Yet all around him were the sounds of the morning: of birds; invisible; praising God; ofcrickets in the vine; frogs in the swamp; of dogs miles away and closed at hand; roosters on theporch。 The sun was not yet half awake; only the utmost tops of trees had begun to tremble at histurning; and the mist moved sullenly before Gabriel and all around him; falling back before thelight that rules by day。 Later; he said of that morning that his sin was on him; then he knew onlythat he carried a burden and that he longed to lay it down。 This burden was heavier than theheaviest mountain and he carried it in his heart。 With each step that he took his burden grewheavier; and his breath became slow and harsh; and; of a sudden; cold sweat stood out on his browand drenched his back。
  All alone in the cabin his mother lay waiting; not only for his return this morning; but forhis surrender to the Lord。 She lingered only for this; and he knew it; even though she no longerexhorted him as she had in days but shortly gone by。 She had placed him in the hands of the Lord;and she waited with patience to see how He would work the matter。
  For she would live to see the promise of the Lord fulfilled。 She would not go to her restuntil her son; the last of her children; he who would place her in the winding…sheet; should haveentered the munion of the saints。 Now she; who had been impatient once; and violent; who hadcursed and shouted and contended like a man; moved into silence; contending only; and with thelast measure of her strength; with God。 And this; too; she did like a man: knowing that she hadkept the faith; she waited for Him to keep His promise。 Gabriel knew that when he entered shewould not ask him where he had been; she would not reproach him; and her eyes; even when sheclosed her lids to sleep; would follows him everywhere。
   Later; since it was Sunday; some of the brothers and sisters would e to her; to sing andpray around her bed。 And she would pray for him; sitting up in bed unaided; her head lifted; hervoice steady; while he; kneeling in a corner of the room; trembled and almost wished that shewould die; and trembled again at this testimony to the desperate wickedness of his heart; andprayed without words to be forgiven。 For he had no words when he knelt before the throne。 And hefeared to make a vow before Heaven until he had the strength to keep it。 And yet he knew that untilhe made the vow he would never find the strength。
  For he desired in his soul; with fear and trembling; all the glories that his mother prayed heshould find。 Yes; he wanted power—he wanted to know himself to be the Lord’s anointed; Hiswell…beloved; and worthy; nearly; of that snow…white dove which had been sent down fromHeaven to testify that Jesus was the son of God。 He wanted to be the master; to speak with thatauthority which could only e from God。 It was later to bee his proud testimony that hehated his sins—even as he ran toward sin; even as he sinned。 He hated the evil that lived in hisbody; and he feared it; as he feared and heated the 
Part 3 The Threshing…floor
    Then said I; Woe is me! for I amundone; because I am a man of uncleanlips; and dwell in the midst of apeople of unclean lips; for mine eyeshave seen the king; the Lord of hosts。
  Then I buckled up my shoes;And I startedHe knew; without knowing how it had happened; that he lay on the floor; in the dusty space beforethe altar which he and Elisha had cleaned; and knew that above him burned the yellow light whichhe had himself switched on。 Dust was in his nostrils; sharp and terrible; and the feet of saints;shaking the floor beneath him; raised small clouds of dust that filmed his mouth。 He hea

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