to smooth it away with my fingertip。 But； of course； I could not touch her。 It was unsafe in so many ways。 You put on a good show。 I spoke slowly； still considering this next hypothesis。 But I d be willing to bet that you re suffering more than you let anyone see。 She made a face； her eyes narrowing and her mouth twisting into a lopsided pout； and she looked back towards the front of the class。 She didn t like it when I guessed right。 She wasn t the average martyr she didn t want an audience to her pain。 Am I wrong？ She flinched slightly； but otherwise pretended not to hear me。 That made me smile。 I didn t think so。 Her eyes flickered away； and then Why does it matter to you？ she demanded； still staring away。 That s a very good question； I admitted； more to myself than to answer her。 Her discernment was better than mine she saw right to the core of things while I floundered around the edges； sifting blindly through clues。 The details of her very human life should not matter to me。 It was wrong for me to care what she thought。 Beyond protecting my family from suspicion； human thoughts were not significant。 I was not used to being the less intuitive of any pairing。 I relied on my extra hearing too much I clearly was not as perceptive as I gave myself credit for。 The girl sighed and glowered toward the front of the classroom。 Something about her frustrated expression was humorous。 The whole situation； the whole conversation was humorous。 No one had ever been in more danger from me than this little girl at any moment I might； distracted by my ridiculous absorption in the
conversation； inhale through my nose and attack her before I could stop myself and she was irritated because I hadn t answered her question。 Am I annoying you？ I asked； smiling at the absurdity of it all。 She glanced at me quickly； and then her eyes seemed to get trapped by my gaze。 Not exactly； she told me。 I m more annoyed at myself。 My face is so easy to read my mother always calls me her open book。 She frowned； disgruntled。 I stared at her in amazement。 The reason she was upset was because she thought I saw through her too easily。 How bizarre。 I d never expended so much effort to understand someone in all my life or rather existence； as life was hardly the right word。 I did not truly have a life。 On the contrary； I disagreed； feeling strangely wary； as if there were some hidden danger here that I was failing to see。 I was suddenly on edge； the premonition making me anxious。 I find you very difficult to read。 You must be a good reader then； she guessed； making her own assumption that was； again； right on target。 Usually； I agreed。 I smiled at her widely then； letting my lips pull back to expose the rows of gleaming； razor sharp teeth behind them。 It was a stupid thing to do； but I was abruptly； unexpectedly desperate to get some kind of warning through to the girl。 Her body was closer to me than before； having shifted unconsciously in the course of our conversation。 All the little markers and signs that were sufficient to scare off the rest of humanity did not seem to be working on her。 Why did she not cringe away from me in terror？ Surely she had seen enough of my darker side to realize the danger； intuitive as she seemed to be。 I didn t get to see if my warning had the intended effect。 Mr。 Banner called for the class s attention just then； and she turned away from me at once。 She seemed a little relieved for the interruption； so maybe she understood unconsciously。 I hoped she did。 I recognized the fascination growing inside me； even as I tried to root it out。 I could not afford to find Bella Swan interesting。 Or rather； she could not afford that。 Already； I was anxious for another chance to talk to her。 I wanted to know more about her mother； her life before she came here； her relationship with her father。 All the meaningless details that would flesh out her character further。 But every second I spent with her was a mistake； a risk she shouldn t have to take。 Absentmindedly； she tossed her thick hair just at the moment that I allowed myself another breath。 A particularly concentrated wave of her scent hit the back of my throat。 It was like the first day like the wrecking ball。 The pain of the burning dryness made me dizzy。 I had to grasp the table again to keep myself in my seat。 This time I had slightly more control。 I didn t break anything； at least。 The monster growled inside me； but took no pleasure in my pain。 He was too tightly bound。 For the moment。
I stopped breathing altogether； and leaned as far from the girl as I could。 No； I could not afford to find her fascinating。 The more interesting I found her； the more likely it was that I would kill her。 I d already made two minor slips today。 Would I make a third； one that was not minor？ As soon as the bell sounded； I fled from the classroom probably destroying whatever impression of politeness I d halfway constructed in the course of the hour。 Again； I gasped at the clean； wet air outside like it was a healing attar。 I hurried to put as much distance between myself and the girl as was possible。 Emmett waited for me outside the door of our Spanish class。 expression for a moment。 How did it go？ he wondered warily。 Nobody died； I mumbled。 I guess that s something。 When I saw Alice ditching there at the end； I thought He read my wild As we walked into the classroom； I saw his memory from just a few moments ago； seen through the open door of his last class： Alice walking briskly and blankfaced across the grounds toward the science building。 I felt his remembered urge to get up and join her； and then his decision to stay。 If Alice needed his help； she would ask I closed my eyes in horror and disgust as I slumped into my seat。 I hadn t realized that it was that close。 I didn t think I was going to I didn t see that it was that bad； I whispered。 It wasn t； he reassured me。 Nobody died； right？ Right； I said through my teeth。 Not this time。 Maybe it will get easier。 Sure。 Or； maybe you kill her。 He shrugged。 You wouldn t be the first one to mess up。 No one would judge you too harshly。 Sometimes a person just smells too good。 I m impressed you ve lasted this long。 Not helping； Emmett。 I was revolted by his acceptance of the idea that I would kill the girl； that this was somehow inevitable。 Was it her fault that she smelled so good？ I know when it happened to me ； he reminisced； taking me back with him half a century； to a country lane at dusk； where a middleaged women was taking her dried sheets down from a line strung between apple trees。 The scent of apples hung heavy in the air the harvest was over and the rejected fruits were scattered on the ground； the bruises in their skin leaking their fragrance out in thick clouds。 A freshmowed field of hay was a background to that scent； a harmony。 He walked up the lane； all but oblivious to the woman； on an errand for Rosalie。 The sky was purple overhead； orange over the western trees。 He would have continued up the meandering cart path and there would have been no reason to remember the evening； except that a sudden night breeze blew the white sheets out like sails and fanned the woman s scent across Emmett s face。
Ah； I groaned quietly。 I know。 As if my own rem