ring food would hurt her。 Still； I expected her to treat me differently。 As something other。 She never did at least； not in a negative way I would start off gently。 So the waitress was pretty； was she？ She raised the eyebrow again。 You really didn t notice？ Absurd； again。 As if any woman could hope to capture my attention from Bella。 No。 I wasn t paying attention。 I had a lot on my mind。 had been the soft cling of her thin blouse Good thing she d worn that ugly sweater today。 Poor girl； Bella said； smiling。 Not the least of which She liked that I hadn t found the waitress interesting in any way。 I could understand that。 How many times had I imagined crippling Mike Newton in the biology room？ She couldn t honestly believe that her human feelings； the fruition of seventeen short mortal years； could be stronger than the immortal passions that had been building up in me for a century。 Something you said to Jessica I couldn t keep my voice casual。 bothers me。 Well； it She was immediately on the defensive。 I m not surprised you heard something you didn t like。 You know what they say about eavesdroppers。 Eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves； that was the saying。 I warned you I would be listening； I reminded her。 And I warned you that you didn t want to know everything I was thinking。 Ah； she was thinking of when I d made her cry。 Remorse made my voice thicker。 You did。 You aren t precisely right； though。 I do want to know what you re thinking everything。 I just wish that you wouldn t be thinking some things。
More halflies。 course I did。 I knew I shouldn t want her to care about me。 But I did。 Of That s quite a distinction； she grumbled； scowling at me。 really the point at the moment。 Then what is？ But that s not She leaned toward me； her hand cupped lightly around her throat。 eye distracted me。 How soft that skin must feel Focus； I manded myself。 It drew my Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you？ I asked。 question sounded ridiculous to me； like the words were scrambled。 Her eyes were wide； her breathing stopped。 quickly。 Her breath came in a low gasp。 You re doing it again； she murmured。 What？ Then she looked away； blinking The Dazzling me； she admitted； meeting my eyes warily。 Oh。 Hmm。 I wasn t quite sure what to do about that。 Nor was I sure that I didn t want to dazzle her。 I was still thrilled that I could。 But it wasn t helping the progression of the conversation。 It s not your fault。 She sighed。 You can t help it。 Are you going to answer my question？ I demanded。 She stared at the table。 That was all she said。 Yes； you are going to answer； or yes； you really think that？ I asked impatiently。 Yes； I really think that； she said without looking up。 There was a faint undertone of sadness in her voice。 She blushed again； and her teeth moved unconsciously to worry her lip。 Abruptly； I realized that this was very hard for her to admit； because she truly believed it。 And I was no better than that coward； Mike； asking for her to confirm her feelings before I d confirmed my own。 It didn t matter that I felt I d make my side abundantly clear。 It hadn t gotten through to her； and so I had no excuse。 You re wrong； I promised。 She must hear the tenderness in my voice。 You can t know Yes。 Bella looked up to me； her eyes opaque； giving nothing away。 that； she whispered。 She thought that I was underestimating her feelings because I couldn t hear her thoughts。 But； in truth； the problem was that she was underestimating mine。 What makes you think so？ I wondered。
She stared back millionth time； beg her to tell to keep me from at me； the furrow between her brows； biting her lips。 For the I wished desperately that I could just hear her。 I was about to me what thought she was struggling with； but she held up a finger speaking。 Let me think； she requested。 As long as she was simply organizing her thoughts； I could be patient。 Or I could pretend to be。 She pressed her hands together； twining and untwining her slender fingers。 She was watching her hands as if they belonged to someone else while she spoke。 Well； aside from the obvious； she murmured。 Sometimes I can t be sure I don t know how to read minds but sometimes it seems like you re trying to say goodbye when you re saying something else。 She didn t look up。 She d caught that； had she？ Did she realize that it was only weakness and selfishness that kept me here？ Did she think less of me for that？ Perceptive； I breathed； and then watched in horror as pain twisted her expression。 I hurried to contradict her assumption。 That s exactly why you re wrong； though I began； and then I paused； remembering the first words of her explanation。 They bothered me； though I wasn t sure I understood exactly。 the obvious ？ Well； look at me； she said。 I was looking。 All I ever did was look at her。 What did she mean？ What do you mean； I m absolutely ordinary； she explained。 Well； except for the bad things like all the near death experiences and being so clumsy that I m almost disabled。 And look at you。 She fanned the air toward me； like she was making some point so obvious it wasn t worth spelling out。 She thought she was ordinary？ She thought that I was somehow preferable to her？ In whose estimation？ Silly； narrowminded； blind humans like Jessica or Ms。 Cope？ How could she not realize that she was the most beautiful most exquisite those words weren t even enough。 And she had no idea。 You don t see yourself very clearly； you know； I told her。 I ll admit you re deadon about the bad things I laughed humorlessly。 I did not find the evil fate who haunted her ical。 The clumsiness； however； was sort of funny。 Endearing。 Would she believe me if I told her she was beautiful； inside and out？ Perhaps she would find corroboration more persuasive。 But you didn t hear what every human male was thinking on your first day。 Ah； the hope； the thrill； the eagerness of those thoughts。 The speed with which they d turned to impossible fantasies。 Impossible； because she wanted none of them。 I was the one she said yes to。 My smile must have been smug。 Her face was blank with surprise。 I don t believe it； she mumbled。
Trust me just this once you are the opposite of ordinary。 Her existence alone was excuse enough to justify the creation of the entire world。 She wasn t used to pliments； I could see that。 Another thing she would just have to get used to。 She flushed； and changed the subject。 But I m not saying goodbye。 Don t you see？ That s what proves me right。 I care the most； because if I can do it Would I ever be unselfish enough to do the right thing？ I shook my head in despair。 I would have to find the strength。 She deserved a life。 Not what Alice had seen ing for her。 If leaving is the right thing to do And it had to be the right thing； didn t it？ There was no reckless angel。 Bella didn t belong with me。 Then I ll hurt myself to keep from hurting you； to keep you safe。 As I said the words； I willed them to be true。 She glared at me。 Somehow； my words had angered her。 would do the same？ she demanded furiously。 And you don t think I So furious so soft and so fragile。 How could she ever hurt anyone？ You d never have to make the choice； I told her； depressed anew by the wide difference between us。 She st