for distance or close work； his hearing range is abnormally high； abnormally low； and is unusually acute throughout his range。 His color vision includes indigo。 He was born without prepuce； without vermiform appendix；
…and apparently without a conscience。 I am pleased that he is my ancestor。
Justin Foote the 45th
Chief Archivist； Howard Foundation
PREFACE TO REVISED EDITION
In this abridged popular edition the technical appendix has been published separately in order to make room for an account of the Senior's actions after he left Secundus until his disappearance。 An apocryphal and obviously impossible tale of the last events in his life has been included at the insistence of the editor of the original memoir； but it cannot be taken seriously。
Carolyn Briggs
Chief Archivist
Note： My lovely and learned successor in office does not know what she is talking about。 With the Senior； the most fan… tastic is always the most probable。
Justin Foote the 45th
Chief Archivist Emeritus
…PRELUD~3
I
As the door of the suite dilated~ the man seated staring glumly out the window looked around。 〃Who the hell are you？〃
〃I am Ira Weatheral of the Johnson Family； Ancestor； Chairman Pro Tern of the Families。〃
〃Took you long enough。 Don't call me 'Ancestor。' And why just the Chairman Pro Tern？〃 the man in the chair growled。 〃Is the Chairman too damn busy to see me？ Don't I rate even that？〃 He made no move to stand； nor did he invite his visitor to sit down。
〃Your pardon； Sire。 I am chief executive for the Families。 But it has been customary for some time now…several centuries…for the chief executive to hold the title。 'Chairman Pro Tern' 。 … against the possibility that you might show up and take the gavel。〃
〃Eh？ Ridiculous。 I haven't presided at a meeting of the Trustees for a thousand years。 And 'Sire' is … as bad as 'Ancestor'…call me by name。 It's been two days since I sent for you。 Did yOu e by the scenic route？ Or has the rule that entitles me to the ear of the Chairman been revoked？〃
〃I am not aware of that rule； Senior； it was probably long before my time…but it is my honor and duty…and pleasure
…to wait on you at any time。 I will be pleased and honored to call you by name if you will tell me what your name is now。 As for the delay…thirty…seven hours since I received your summons…I have spent it studying Ancient English； as I was told that you were not answering to any other language。〃 …
The Senior looked slightly sheepish。 〃It's true I'm not handy with the jabber they speak here…my memory has been playing tricks on me lately。 I guess I've been sulky about answering even when I understood。 Names… I forget what name I checked … in by when I grounded here。 Mmrn； 'Woodrow Wilson Smith' was~rny boyhood name。 Never used it much。
I suppose 'Lazarus Lg' is the name I've used oftenest…
第2节
call me 'Lazarus。'〃…
〃Thank you。； Lazarus。〃
〃For what？ Don't be so damned formal。 You're not a kid； or you wouldn't be Chairman…how old are you？ Did you really take the trouble to learn my milk language just to call on me？ And in less than two days？ Was that from scratch？ It takes me at least a week to tack on a new language； another week to smooth out accent。〃
〃I am three hundred and seventy…two standard years old； Lazarus……just under four hundred Earth years。 I learned Classic English when I took this job…but as a dead language； to enable me to read old records of the Families in the original。 What I did since your summons was to learn to speak and understand it … …。 in North American twentieth…century idiom…your 'milk language' as you said…as that is what the linguistic analyzer puted that you were speaking。〃
〃Pretty smart machine。 Maybe 1 am speaking it the way I did as a youngster； they claim that's the one language… a brain never forgets。 Then I must be talking in a Cornbelt rasp like a rusty saw … … whereas you're speaking a sort of Texas drawl with …an Oxford British overlay。 Odd。 I suppose the machine picks the version out of its permanents closest to the sample fed into it。〃 …
〃I believe so； Lazarus； although the te~hniques involved are
not my field。 Do you have trouble understanding my accent？' 〃Oh； none at all。 Your accent is okay； it's closer to educated General American of that time than is the accent I learned as a kid。 But I can follow anything from Bluegum to。
Yorkshire； accent is no problem。 It was mighty kind of you to bother。 Warming。〃
… 〃My pleasure。 I have a talent for languages； it was not much trouble。 I try to be able to speak to each of the Trustees in his native language； I'm used tO swotting up a new one quickly。〃 … …
〃So？ Noheless。a courteous thing to do…I've felt like an
… animal in a zoo with no one to talk to。 Those dummies〃… Lazarus inclined his head at two rejuvenation technicians； dressed in isolation gear and one…way helmets； and waiting as far from the conversation as the room permitted…〃don't
know English； I can't talk with them。 Oh； the taller one understands a little but not enough for gossip。〃 Lazarus whistled； pointed at the taller。 〃Hey； you！ A chair for the
Chairman…chop chop！〃 His gestures made his meaning clear。 The taller technician touched the controls of a chair nearby； it rolled away； wheeled around； and stopped at a fortable t阾e…？t~te distance from Lazarus。
Ira Weatheral said thank you…to Lazarus； not to the tech
…sat down； then sighed as the chair felt him out and cuddled him。 Lazarus said； 〃fortable？〃
〃Quite。〃… …
… 〃Anything to eat or drink？ Or smoke？ You may have to interpret for me。〃
〃Nothing； thank you。 But may I order for you？〃
〃Not now。 They keep me stuffed like a goose…once they force…fed me； damn them。 Since we're fortable； let's get on with the powwow。〃 He suddenly roared； 〃WHAT ThE HELL AM I DOING IN THIS JAIL？〃
Weatheral answered quietly； 〃Not 'jail；' …Lazarus。 Th~ VIP suite of the Howard Rejuvenation Clinic。 New Rome。〃
〃'Jail；' I said。 All it lacks is cockroaches。 This window… you couldn't break it with a crowbar。 That door…it opens to any voice … … except mine。 If I go to the john； one of those dummies is at my elbow。 Apparently afraid I'll drown myself in the pot。 Hell； I don't even know whether that nurse is a man or a woman…and don't like it either way。 I don't need somebody to hold my hand while I go pee…pee！ I resent it。〃
〃I'll see what can be worked out； Lazarus。 But the technicians are … understandably jumpy。 A person can get hurt quite easily in any bathroom…and they all know that； if you are hurt； no matter by what mischance； the technician in charge at the time will suffer cruel …and unusual punishment。 They are volunteers and are drawing high bonuses。 But they're
jumpy。〃…
〃So I figured out。 'Jail。' If this is a rejuvenation suite
WHERE'S MY SUICIDE SWITCH？〃
〃Lazarus…'Deat