〃Oh。〃 I frowned。 〃Is there anything you'd like to see？〃
Jessica's natural bubbliness started to leak out in spite of herself as she
thought out loud。 〃Well； there's
that new romantic edy that's getting great reviews。 I want to see that one。
And my dad just saw
Dead End and he really liked it。〃
I grasped at the promising title。 〃What's that one about？〃
〃Zombies or something。 He said it was the scariest thing he'd seen in years。〃
〃That sounds perfect。〃 I'd rather deal with real zombies than watch a romance。
〃Okay。〃 She seemed surprised by my response。 I tried to remember if I liked
scary movies； but I wasn't
sure。 〃Do you want me to pick you up after school？〃 she offered。
〃Sure。〃
Jessica smiled at me with tentative friendliness before she left。 My answering
smile was just a little late；
but I thought that she saw it。
The rest of the day passed quickly； my thoughts focused on planning for
tonight。 I knew from experience
that once I got Jessica talking； I would be able to get away with a few
mumbled responses at the
appropriate moments。 Only minimal interaction would be required。
The thick haze that blurred my days now was sometimes confusing。 I was
surprised when I found myself
in my room； not clearly remembering the drive home from school or even opening
the front door。 But that
didn't matter。 Losing track of time was the most I asked from life。
I didn't fight the haze as I turned to my closet。 The numbness was more
essential in some places than in
others。 I barely registered what I was looking at as I slid the door aside to
reveal the pile of rubbish on
the left side of my closet； under the clothes I never wore。
My eyes did not stray toward the black garbage bag that held my present from
that last birthday； did not
see the shape of the stereo where it strained against the black plastic； I
didn't think of the bloody mess
my nails had been when I'd finished clawing it out of the dashboard。
I yanked the old purse I rarely used off the nail it hung from； and shoved the
door shut。
Just then I heard a horn honking。 I swiftly traded my wallet from my schoolbag
into the purse。 I was in a
hurry； as if rushing would somehow make the night pass more quickly。
I glanced at myself in the hall mirror before I opened the door； arranging my
features carefully into a smile
and trying to hold them there。
〃Thanks for ing with me tonight；〃 I told Jess as I climbed into the
passenger seat； trying to infuse my
tone with gratitude。 It had been a while since I'd really thought about what I
was saying to anyone
besides Charlie。 Jess was harder。 I wasn't sure which were the right emotions
to fake。
〃Sure。 So； what brought this on？〃 Jess wondered as she drove down my street。
〃Brought what on？〃
〃Why did you suddenly decide to go out？〃 It sounded like she changed her
question halfway through。
I shrugged。 〃Just needed a change。〃
I recognized the song on the radio then； and quickly reached for the dial。 〃Do
you mind？〃 I asked。
〃No； go ahead。〃
I scanned through the stations until I found one that was harmless。 I peeked
at Jess's expression as the
new music filled the car。
Her eyes squinted。 〃Since when do you listen to rap？〃
〃I don't know；〃 I said。 〃A while。〃
〃You like this？〃 she asked doubtfully。
〃Sure。〃
It would be much too hard to interact with Jessica normally if I had to work
to tune out the music； too。 I
nodded my head； hoping I was in time with the beat。
〃Okay〃 She stared out the windshield with wide eyes。
〃So what's up with you and Mike these days？〃 I asked quickly。
〃You see him more than I do。〃
The question hadn't started her talking like I'd hoped it would。
〃It's hard to talk at work；〃 I mumbled； and then I tried again。 〃Have you been
out with anyone lately？〃
〃Not really。 I go out with Conner sometimes。 I went out with Eric two weeks
ago。〃 She rolled her eyes；
and I sensed a long story。 I clutched at the opportunity。
〃Eric Yorkie？ Who asked who？〃
She groaned； getting more animated。 〃He did； of course！ I couldn't think of a
nice way to say no。〃
〃Where did he take you？〃 I demanded； knowing she would interpret my eagerness
as interest。 〃Tell me
all about it。〃
She launched into her tale； and I settled into my seat； more fortable now。
I paid strict attention；
murmuring in sympathy and gasping in horror as called for。 When she was
finished with her Eric story；
she continued into a Conner parison without any prodding。
The movie was playing early； so Jess thought we should hit the twilight
showing and eat later。 I was
happy to go along with whatever she wanted； after all； I was getting what I
wanted—Charlie off my
back。
I kept Jess talking through the previews； so I could ignore them more easily。
But I got nervous when the
movie started。 A young couple was walking along a beach； swinging hands and
discussing their mutual
affection with gooey falseness。 I resisted the urge to cover my ears and start
humming。 I had not
bargained for a romance。
〃I thought we picked the zombie movie；〃 I hissed to Jessica。
〃This is the zombie movie。〃
〃Then why isn't anyone getting eaten？〃 I asked desperately。
She looked at me with wide eyes that were almost alarmed。 〃I'm sure that
part's ing；〃 she whispered。
〃I'm getting popcorn。 Do you want any？〃
〃No； thanks。〃
Someone shushed us from behind。
I took my time at the concession counter； watching the clock and debating what
percentage of a
ninety…minute movie could be spent on romantic exposition。 I decided ten
minutes was more than enough；
but I paused just inside the theater doors to be sure。 I could hear horrified
screams blaring from the
speakers； so I knew I'd waited long enough。
〃You missed everything；〃 Jess murmured when I slid back into my seat。 〃Almost
everyone is a zombie
now。〃
〃Long line。〃 I offered her some popcorn。 She took a handful。
The rest of the movie was prised of gruesome zombie attacks and endless
screaming from the
handful of people left alive； their numbers dwindling quickly。 I would have
thought there was nothing in
that to disturb me。 But I felt uneasy； and I wasn't sure why at first。
It wasn't until almost the very end； as I watched a haggard zombie shambling
after the last shrieking
survivor； that I realized what the problem was。 The scene kept cutting between
the horrified face of the
heroine； and the dead； emotionless face of her pursuer； back and forth as it
closed the distance。
And I realized which one resembled me the most。
I stood up。
〃Where are you going？ There's； like； two minutes left；〃 Jess hissed。
〃I need a drink；〃 I muttered as I raced for the exit。
I sat down on the bench outside the theater door and tried very hard not to
think of the irony。 But it was
ironic； all things considered； that； in the end； I would wind up as a zombie。
I hadn't seen that one ing。
Not that I hadn't dreamed of being a mythical monster once—just never a
grotesque； animated
corpse。 I shook my head to dislodge that train of thought； feeling panicky。 I
couldn't afford to think about
what I'd once dreamed of。
It was depressing to realize that I w