to catch a double feature or
something。 He's gone for the whole day。〃
〃Well； that's a relief。 I've been so worried。 I'm glad he felt good enough to
get out。〃 My voice sounded
horribly phony as I babbled on。
Jacob was better； but not well enough to call me。 He was out with friends。 I
was sitting home； missing
him more every hour。 I was lonely； worried； bored perforated—and now also
desolate as I realized
that the week apart had not had the same effect on him。
〃Is there anything in particular you wanted？〃 Billy asked politely。
〃No； not really。〃
〃Well； I'll tell him that you called；〃 Billy promised。 〃Bye； Bella。〃
〃Bye；〃 I replied； but he'd already hung up。
I stood for a moment with the phone still in my hand。
Jacob must have changed his mind； just like I'd feared。 He was going to take
my advice and not waste
any more time on someone who couldn't return his feelings。 I felt the blood
run out of my face。
〃Something wrong？〃 Charlie asked as he came down the stairs。
〃No；〃 I lied； hanging up the phone。 〃Billy says Jacob is feeling better。 It
wasn't mono。 So that's good。〃
〃Is he ing here； or are you going there？〃 Charlie asked absentmindedly as
he started poking through
the fridge。
〃Neither；〃 I admitted。 〃He's going out with some other friends。〃
The tone of my voice finally caught Charlie's attention。 He looked up at me
with sudden alarm； his hands
frozen around a package of cheese slices。
〃Isn't it a little early for lunch？〃 I asked as lightly as I could manage；
trying to distract him。
〃No； I'm just packing something to take out to the river〃
〃Oh； fishing today？〃
〃Well； Harry called and it's not raining。〃 He was creating a stack of food
on the counter as he spoke。
Suddenly he looked up again as if he'd just realized something。 〃Say； did you
want me to stay with you；
since Jake's out？〃
〃That's okay； Dad；〃 I said； working to sound indifferent。 〃The fish bite
better when the weather's nice。〃
He stared at me； indecision clear on his face。 I knew that he was worrying；
afraid to leave me alone； in
case I got 〃mopey〃 again。
〃Seriously； Dad。 I think I'll call Jessica；〃 I fibbed quickly。 I'd rather be
alone than have him watching me
all day。 〃We have a Calculus test to study for。 I could use her help。〃 That
part was true。 But I'd have to
make do without it。
〃That's a good idea。 You've been spending so much time with Jacob； your other
friends are going to think
you've forgotten them。〃
I smiled and nodded as if I cared what my other friends thought。
Charlie started to turn； but then spun back with a worried expression。 〃Hey；
you'll study here or at Jess's；
right？〃
〃Sure； where else？〃
〃Well； it's just that I want you to be careful to stay out of the woods； like
I told you before。〃
It took me a minute to understand； distracted as I was。 〃More bear trouble？〃
Charlie nodded； frowning。 〃We've got a missing hiker—the rangers found his
camp early this morning；
but no sign of him。 There were some really big animal prints of course those
could have e later；
smelling the food Anyway； they're setting traps for it now。〃
〃Oh；〃 I said vaguely。 I wasn't really listening to his warnings； I was much
more upset by the situation with
Jacob than by the possibility of being eaten by a bear。
I was glad that Charlie was in a hurry。 He didn't wait for me to call Jessica；
so I didn't have to put on that
charade。 I went through the motions of gathering my school…books on the
kitchen table to pack them in
my bag； that was probably too much； and if he hadn't been eager to hit the
holes； it might have made him
suspicious。
I was so busy looking busy that the ferociously empty day ahead didn't really
crash down on me until
after I'd watched him drive away。 It only took about two minutes of staring at
the silent kitchen phone to
decide that I wasn't staying home today。 I considered my options。
I wasn't going to call Jessica。 As far as I could tell； Jessica had crossed
over to the dark side。
I could drive to La Push and get my motorcycle—an appealing thought but for
one minor problem： who
was going to drive me to the emergency room if I needed it afterward？
Or I already had our map and pass in the truck。 I was pretty sure I
understood the process well
enough by now that I wouldn't get lost。 Maybe I could eliminate two lines
today； putting us ahead of
schedule for whenever Jacob decided to honor me with his presence again。 I
refused to think about how
long that might be。 Or if it was going to be never。
I felt a brief twinge of guilt as I realized how Charlie would feel about
this； but I ignored it。 I just couldn't
stay in the house again today。
A few minutes later I was on the familiar dirt road that led to nowhere in
particular。 I had the windows
rolled down and I drove as fast as was healthy for my truck； trying to enjoy
the wind against my face。 It
was cloudy； but almost dry—a very nice day； for Forks。
Getting started took me longer than it would have taken Jacob。 After I parked
in the usual spot； I had to
spend a good fifteen minutes studying the little needle on the pass face
and the markings on the now
worn map。 When I was reasonably certain that I was following the right line of
the web； I set off into the
woods。
The forest was full of life today； all the little creatures enjoying the
momentary dryness。 Somehow；
though； even with the birds chirping and cawing； the insects buzzing noisily
around my head； and the
occasional scurry of the field mice through the shrubs； the forest seemed
creepier today； it reminded me
of my most recent nightmare。 I knew it was just because I was alone； missing
Jacob's carefree whistle
and the sound of another pair of feet squishing across the damp ground。
The sense of unease grew stronger the deeper I got into the trees。 Breathing
started to get more
difficult—not because of exertion； but because I was having trouble with the
stupid hole in my chest
again。 I kept my arms tight around my torso and tried to banish the ache from
my thoughts。 I almost
turned around； but I hated to waste the effort I'd already expended。
The rhythm of my footsteps started to numb my mind and my pain as I trudged
on。 My breathing evened
out eventually； and I was glad I hadn't quit。 I was getting better at this
bushwhacking thing； I could tell I
was faster。
I didn't realize quite how much more efficiently I was moving。 I thought I'd
covered maybe four miles；
and I wasn't even starting to look around for it yet。 And then； with an
abruptness that disoriented me； I
stepped through a low arch made by two vine maples—pushing past the chest…
high ferns—into the
meadow。
It was the same place； of that I was instantly sure。 I'd never seen another
clearing so symmetrical。 It was
as perfectly round as if someone had intentionally created the flawless
circle； tearing out the trees but
leaving no evidence of that violence in the waving grass。 To the east； I could
hear the stream bubbling
quietly。
The place wasn't nearly so stunning without the sunlight； but it was still
very beautiful and serene。 It