shock frozen on my face； and
I tried to pose it。
〃Here； Carlisle；〃 Alice said； handing him a towel。
He shook his head。 〃Too much glass in the wound。〃 He reached over and ripped a
long； thin scrap from
the bottom of the white tablecloth。 He twisted it around my arm above the
elbow to form a tourniquet。
The smell of the blood was making me dizzy。 My ears rang。
〃Bella；〃 Carlisle said softly。 〃Do you want me to drive you to the hospital；
or would you like me to take
care of it here？〃
〃Here； please；〃 I whispered。 If he took me to the hospital； there would be no
way to keep this from
Charlie。
〃I'll get your bag；〃 Alice said。
〃Let's take her to the kitchen table；〃 Carlisle said to Edward。
Edward lifted me effortlessly； while Carlisle kept the pressure steady on my
arm。
〃How are you doing； Bella？〃 Carlisle asked。
〃I'm fine。〃 My voice was reasonably steady； which pleased me。
Edward's face was like stone。
Alice was there。 Carlisle's black bag was already on the table； a small but
brilliant desk light plugged into
the wall。 Edward sat me gently into a chair； and Carlisle pulled up another。
He went to work at once。
Edward stood over me； still protective； still not breathing。
〃Just go； Edward；〃 I sighed。
〃I can handle it；〃 he insisted。 But his jaw was rigid； his eyes burned with
the intensity of the thirst he
fought； so much worse for him than it was for the others。
〃You don't need to be a hero；〃 I said。 〃Carlisle can fix me up without your
help。 Get some fresh air。〃
I winced as Carlisle did something to my arm that stung。
〃I'll stay；〃 he said。
〃Why are you so masochistic？〃 I mumbled。
Carlisle decided to intercede。 〃Edward； you may as well go find Jasper before
he gets too far。 I'm sure
he's upset with himself； and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right
now。〃
〃Yes；〃 I eagerly agreed。 〃Go find Jasper。〃
〃You might as well do something useful；〃 Alice added。
Edward's eyes narrowed as we ganged up on him； but； finally； he nodded once
and sprinted smoothly
through the kitchen's back door。 I was sure he hadn't taken a breath since I'd
sliced my finger。
A numb； dead feeling was spreading through my arm。
Though it erased the sting； it reminded me of the gash； and I watched
Carlisle's face carefully to distract
me from what his hands were doing。 His hair gleamed gold in the bright light
as he bent over my arm。 I
could feel the faint stirrings of unease in the pit of my stomach； but I was
determined not to let my usual
squeamishness get the best of me。 There was no pain now； just a gentle tugging
sensation that I tried to
ignore。 No reason to get sick like a baby。
If she hadn't been in my line of sight； I wouldn't have noticed Alice give up
and steal out of the room。
With a tiny； apologetic smile on her lips； she disappeared through the kitchen
doorway。
〃Well； that's everyone；〃 I sighed。 〃I can clear a room； at least。〃
〃It's not your fault；〃 Carlisle forted me with a chuckle。 〃It could happen
to anyone。〃
〃Could〃 I repeated。 〃But it usually just happens to me。〃
He laughed again。
His relaxed calm was only more amazing set in direct contrast with everyone
else's reaction。 I couldn't
find any trace of anxiety in his face。 He worked with quick； sure movements。
The only sound besides our
quiet breathing was the soft plink； plink as the tiny fragments of glass
dropped one by one to the table。
〃How can you do this？〃 I demanded。 〃Even Alice and Esme〃 I trailed off；
shaking my head in wonder。
Though the rest of them had given up the traditional diet of vampires just as
absolutely as Carlisle had； he
was the only one who could bear the smell of my blood without suffering from
the intense temptation。
Clearly； this was much more difficult than he made it seem。
〃Years and years of practice；〃 he told me。 〃I barely notice the scent
anymore。〃
〃Do you think it would be harder if you took a vacation from the hospital for
a long time。 And weren't
around any blood？〃
〃Maybe。〃 He shrugged his shoulders； but his hands remained steady。 〃I've never
felt the need for an
extended holiday。〃 He flashed a brilliant smile in my direction。 〃I enjoy my
work too much。〃
Plink； plink； plink。 I was surprised at how much glass there seemed to be in
my arm。 I was tempted to
glance at the growing pile； just to check the size； but I knew that idea would
not be helpful to my
no…vomiting strategy。
〃What is it that you enjoy？〃 I wondered。 It didn't make sense to me—the years
of struggle and self…denial
he must have spent to get to the point where he could endure this so easily。
Besides； I wanted to keep
him talking； the conversation kept my mind off the queasy feeling in my
stomach。
His dark eyes were calm and thoughtful as he answered。 〃Hmm。 What I enjoy the
very most is when
my enhanced abilities let me save someone who would otherwise have been
lost。 It's pleasant knowing
that； thanks to what I can do； some people's lives are better because I exist。
Even the sense of smell is a
useful diagnostic tool at times。〃 One side of his mouth pulled up in half a
smile。
I mulled that over while he poked around； making sure all the glass splinters
were gone。 Then he
rummaged in his bag for new tools； and I tried not to picture a needle and
thread。
〃You try very hard to make up for something that was never your fault；〃 I
suggested while a new kind of
tugging started at the edges of my skin。 〃What I mean is； it's not like you
asked for this。 You didn't
choose this kind of life； and yet you have to work so hard to be good。〃
〃I don't know that I'm making up for anything；〃 he disagreed lightly。 〃Like
everything in life； I just had to
decide what to do with what I was given。〃
〃That makes it sound too easy。〃
He examined my arm again。 〃There；〃 he said； snipping a thread。 〃All done。〃 He
wiped an oversized
Q…tip； dripping with some syrup…colored liquid； thoroughly across the
operation site。 The smell was
strange； it made my head spin。 The syrup stained my skin。
〃In the beginning； though；〃 I pressed while he taped another long piece of
gauze securely in place； sealing
it to my skin。 〃Why did you even think to try a different way than the obvious
one？〃
His lips turned up in a private smile。 〃Hasn't Edward told you this story？〃
〃Yes。 But I'm trying to understand what you were thinking〃
His face was suddenly serious again； and I wondered if his thoughts had gone
to the same place that mine
had。 Wondering what I would be thinking when—I refused to think if—it was
me。
〃You know my father was a clergyman；〃 he mused as he cleaned the table
carefully； rubbing everything
down with wet gauze； and then doing it again。 The smell of alcohol burned in
my nose。 〃He had a rather
harsh view of the world； which I was already beginning to question before the
time that I changed。〃
Carlisle put all the dirty gauze and the glass slivers into an empty crystal
bowl。 I didn't understand what he
was doing； even when he lit the match。 Then he threw it onto the alcohol…
soaked fibers； and the sudden
blaze made me jump。
〃Sorry；〃 he apologized。 〃That ought