旧历1747年10月16日，伦敦
Lord Chesterfield
To
London；
October 16； O。
Dear boy；
The art of pleasing is a very necessary one to possess； but a very difficult one to acquire。 It can hardly be reduced to rules； and your own good sense and observation will teach you more of it than I can。“Do as you would be done by” is the surest method that I know of ； and probably the same things in you will please others。 If you are pleased with the plaisance and attention of others to your humors； your tastes； or your weaknesses； depend upon it； the same plaisance and attention on your part to theirs will equally please them。 Take the tone of the pany that you are in； and do not pretend to give it； be serious； gay； or even trifling； as you find the present humor of the pany； this is an attention due from every individual to the majority。 Do not tell stories in pany； there is nothing more tedious and disagreeable； if by chance you know a very short story； and exceedingly applicable to the present subject of conversation； tell it in as few words as possible； and even then； throw out that you do not love to tell stories； but that the shortness of it tempted you。 。 想看书来
切斯特菲尔德勋爵（3）
Of all things； banish the egotism out of your conversation； and never think of entertaining people with your own personal concerns or private affairs； though they are interesting to you； they are tedious and impertinent to everybody else； besides that； one cannot keep one's own private affairs too secret。 Whatever you think your own excellencies may be； do not affectedly display them in pany； nor labor； as many people do； to give that turn to the conversation； which may supply you with an opportunity of exhibiting them。 If they are real； they will infallibly be discovered； without your pointing them out yourself； and with much more advantage。 Never maintain an argument with heat and clamor； though you think or know yourself to be in the right； but give your opinions modestly and coolly； which is the only way to convince； and； if that does not do； try to change the conversation； by saying； with goodhumor； “We shall hardly convince one another； nor is it necessary that we should； so let us talk of something else。”
Remember that there is a local propriety to be observed in all panies； and that what is extremely proper in one pany may be； and often is； highly improper in another。
The jokes； the bonmots； the little adventures； which may do very well in one pany； will seem flat and tedious； when related in another。 The particular characters； the habit； the cant of one pany may give merit to a word； or a gesture； which would have none at all if divested of those accidental circumstances。 Here people very monly err； and fond of something that has entertained them in one pany； and in certain circumstances； repeat it with emphasis in another； where it is either insipid； or； it may be； offensive； by being illtimed or misplaced。
Nay； they often do it with this silly preamble：“I will tell you an excellent thing；” or； “I will tell you the best thing in the world。” This raises expectations； which； when absolutely disappointed； make the relator of this excellent thing look； very deservedly； like a fool。
If you would particularly gain the affection and friendship of particular people； whether men or women； endeavor to find out their predominant excellency； if they have one； and their prevailing weakness； which everybody has； and do justice to the one； and something more than justice to the other。 Men have various objects in which they may excel； or at least would be thought to excel； and though they love to hear justice done to them； where they know that they excel； yet they are most and best flattered upon those points where they wish to excel； and yet are doubtful whether they do or not。 As for example： Cardinal Richelieu； who was undoubtedly the ablest statesman of his time； or perhaps of any other； had the idle vanity of being thought the best poet too： he envied the great Corneille his reputation； and ordered a criticism to be written upon the Cid。 Those； therefore； who flattered skillfully； said little to him of his abilities in state affairs； or at least but en passant； and as it might naturally occur。 But the incense which they gave him—the smoke of which they knew would turn his head in their favor— was as a bel esprit and a poet。 Why？—Because he was sure of one excellency； and distrustful as to the other。 txt小说上传分享
切斯特菲尔德勋爵（4）
You will easily discover every man' s prevailing vanity by observing his favorite topic of conversation； for every man talks most of what he has most a mind to be thought to excel in。 Touch him but there； and you touch him to the quick； The late Sir Robert Walpole （who was certainly an able man）was little open to flattery upon that head； for he was in no doubt himself about it； but his prevailing weakness was； to be thought to have a polite and happy turn to gallantry—of which he had undoubtedly less than any man living。 It was his favorite and frequent subject of conversation； which proved to those who had any penetration that it was his prevailing weakness； and they applied to it with success。
Women have； in general； but one object； which is their beauty， upon which； scarce any flattery is too gross for them to follow。 Nature has hardly formed a woman ugly enough to be insensible to flattery upon her person； if her face is so shocking that she must； in some degree； be conscious of it； her figure and air； she trusts； make ample amends for it。 If her figure is deformed； her face； she thinks； counterbalances it。 If they are both bad； she forts herself that she has graces； a certain manner； a je ne scais quoi still more engaging than beauty。 This truth is evident； from the studied and elaborate dress of the ugliest woman in the world。 An undoubted； uncontested； conscious beauty is； of all women； the least sensible of flattery upon that head； she knows it is her due； and is therefore obliged to nobody for giving it her。 She must be flattered upon her understanding； which； though she may possibly not doubt of herself； yet she suspects that men may distrust。
Do not mistake me； and think that I mean to remend to you abject and criminal flattery： no； flatter nobody's vices or crimes： on the contrary； abhor and discourage them。 But there is no living in the world without a plaisant indulgence for people's weaknesses； and innocent； though ridiculous vanities。 If a man has a mind to be thought wiser； and a woman handsomer； than they really are； their error is a fortable one to themselves； and an innocent one with regard to other people； and I would rather make them my friends by indulging them in it； than my enemies by endeavoring （and that to no purpose） to undeceive them。
There are little attentions； likewise； which are infinitely engaging； and which sensibly affect that degree of pride and selflove； which is inseparable from human nature； as they are unquestionable proofs of the regard and consideration which we have for the persons to whom we pay them。 As for example： to observe the little habits； the likings； the antipathies； and the